15 Ways To Tell If Your Penis Is Made of Magic


1. Bette Midler sings a song about it in the middle of Hocus Pocus.

2. Your pants keep becoming enchanted.

3. David Blaine keeps claiming he can beat it in a “being in a box” contest.

4. It keeps inviting you to “the gatherings.”

5. When you wave it like a wand you can make people disappear.

6. Stevie Nicks psychically controls it.

7. Unicorns keep hitting on you.

8. It accidentally zapped twelve clouds into cotton candy while you were suntanning.

9. Your urologist tells you to “turn your head and recite an incantation.”

10. Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan had to tell it that they loved each other, so they could switch back into their original bodies–and finish filming the movie Freaky Friday.

11. You pee rainbows.

12. It is meticulous about grooming its goatee.

13. Your underwear is full of sorcery stains.

14. A neighborhood witch recently knocked on your door because she was brewing a potion that called for three “your dicks.”

15. You wrote a rap verse about it.