19 Insane Thoughts While Waiting At The DMV
By Ari Eastman
1. *reads sign*
“WAIT TIME COULD EXCEED THREE HOURS?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! That’s a goddamn Lord Of The Rings film.”
2. “Well, this is where I die.”
3. “Who did I wrong in a past life? What kind of cruel and unusual punishment is this?”
4. “Ok, time to look around the room and pick the team I’d want for the zombie apocalypse.”
5. “Is that man asleep? WAKE UP. BE MISERABLE WITH THE REST OF US.”
6. “Wait, did this guy just wink at me? Am I about to fall in love at the damn DMV?”
*We found love in a hopeless place*
7. “I have the strong urge to just shout: IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR?”
8. “This woman just had her number called and fist-pumped. I want to be her best friend.”
9. “THIS IS A PORTAL TO HELL!”
10. “Did they skip me? I swear, if I find out they skipped me…HEADS WILL ROLL, I SAY!”
11. *puts on headphones*
“I find Selena Gomez soothing, don’t judge me, Girl Sitting Next To Me Who Keeps Looking At My Phone.”
12. “Oh cool, someone just coughed and now I probably have tuberculosis.”
13. *looks at phone*
“How did I end up on Steve Buscemi’s wikipedia page?”
14. “Are people in here aging before my very eyes? I swear that man did NOT have grey hair an hour ago.”
15. “THIS IS DEFINITELY WHERE I WILL DIE!”
16. “Omg! I’m going to be next! I can hear angels singing! I can see the light! THIS IS THE BEST FEELING EVER!!!!”
17. “…WHAT. THE. HELL. WHY. WAS. I. NOT. CALLED. WHAT. IS. THIS. ILLUMINATI. SHIT??”
18. “HOW ARE YOU GONNA GO FROM G67 TO C18? THAT MAKES NO SENSE. EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE IS A LIE! TRUST NO ONE!”
19. “I will survive. Yes, Gloria Gaynor, I WILL survive.”
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