5 Things You Must Immediately Change When You Meet Someone You Like


Single life has its perks. Mostly sitting around at home and not showering for days while you stew in your own filth eating a lion’s share of whatever you can get your hands on and watching Netflix as well as, you know, casual sex and stuff. But when you meet someone you like you have to be willing to make a few lifestyle changes in order to accommodate them in your life, and as gestures to show them that you are very eager and willing to accept reciprocal accommodation. I’m not saying you should change your inherent personality or anything like that, just maybe wash your vagina every once in awhile.

Delete Your Online Dating Profiles

It’s time to go, Tinder. Whether or not you’re still actively using it is irrelevant. If you like someone, you don’t need it anymore. I mean, would you want to date someone who had dating collateral?

For The Love Of God, Get Out Of The House

Maybe this one just applies to me, I don’t know, but generally when you like someone you should make an effort to do things in public with them. Sitting in bed and ordering Chinese food 7 nights a week does not a healthy relationship make (as enticing as it might sound). Do something different at least one of those nights.

Curb Your Pet

We get it. You love Kitty-Poops McGee. Your cat/dog/rabbit/budgerigar should not be the focal point of your new relationship. Please note that as a horrid cat lady I am writing this down mostly to reinforce it to myself.

Wash Your Sheets

If you’re anything like my your sheets are constantly littered with an interesting sort of debris made up mostly of popcorn, bacon fat stains (don’t ask) salt and cat hair. While this might still feel good to you after, I don’t know, a month, it doesn’t really scream prime sex real estate.

Re-Consider Your “Friendship” With Your “Ex”

I say “friendship” and “ex” because you have to really ask yourself if this is an actual friendship, and an actual ex. If the answer to both is yes, then by all means, carry on. But in my experience 9 times out of 10 friendship with an ex is a farce peppered with residual feelings, petty resentments and a general inability to just let go. If you like someone new, go with it–don’t bog future potential down in your rancid past.

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