5 Ways “Draw Something” Is Ruining My Life
By Kim Windyka
1. I can never catch up. Each turn takes an excruciatingly inordinate amount of time. The first round is easy, of course. You’re thinking it’s the greatest thing since Shazam! And at first, it is. The next turn, though, you have to watch yourself draw. Then, you have to guess your friend’s drawing. If it’s a difficult — or made-up — word (see below), this can take days of contemplation and/ or solicitation of people who really couldn’t care less about identifying your college roommate’s rendering of Justin Bieber. And then… and then! You have to draw again. I soon learned never to get too excited about finishing a game, because I’ll inevitably have five more waiting for me by the time I’m actually done. I have gossip blogs to read, dude! No time for this crap.
2. Watching myself try to draw things is really embarrassing. It took me a while to realize that I can touch that nifty “skip” button at the top of the screen and avoid the agony of watching my painful “creative” process: drawing a line, erasing it, drawing a stick figure head, erasing it, and on and on. Yet, that button also takes a lot of the fun out of seeing just how long it takes for someone to realize that, yes, I was trying to illustrate the six moves that make up the Macarena!
3. My fingers are too fat. I mean, they’re actually quite petite, all things considered. But when I touch my index finger to the screen and start trying to doodle something that looks remotely like “Tebowing,” there might as well be a psychotic gorilla wreaking havoc on that digital canvas. What turns out is something that looks more like a wounded soldier with an egg above his head (ahem, that would be a football) and “CO->NY” scrawled in ransom note fashion. Yes, I cheated. Don’t tell me you haven’t!
4. It uses made-up words (or words that are really, really hard to draw). Can someone please tell me what a “metroid” is and how you would draw one? Because my friend definitely drew a “meteoroid” and I spent at least 48 hours trying to make sense of it and fit variations of “orbit,” “earth,” and other nonsense into the seven blank spaces. I finally admitted defeat and was faced with a word that I’d never even seen before. Since, I’ve been told that it’s a video game. How do you draw a video game? I’m currently considering litigation for emotional distress.
5. I don’t like people — or games — telling me what to do. “Words with Friends”? Sure, sounds fun. “Scramble with Friends”? Even better! But “Draw Something”? I don’t like your tone, game. I’ll draw if I feel like drawing, okay? Cool your jets.