50 Band Names Inspired By Conversations I Had Last Saturday


I do not have musical talent. Once in middle school, I took four saxophone lessons. It was fun at first, but my reeds were always breaking and they cost an entire dollar to replace. One dollar equals two ice cream sandwiches — trust me, I did the math. Plus, President Clinton really soured me on the whole instrument by forever fusing “sax” and “sex” in my mind at a very impressionable time. Also, I was terrible.

Another time I joined chorus for two years to fulfill a music requirement. It was pretty upsetting for everyone involved, especially considering I am deaf in one ear. What is the opposite of perfect pitch? “Imperfect” doesn’t quite capture the quality of my pitch. Perhaps “car crash” pitch or “attempted pet suicide” pitch? Let’s just say if I had been in Sister Act II, Whoopie Goldberg would’ve surrendered and turned herself over to those mobsters immediately — before any fish-out-of-water hilarity could ensue.

So without any musical talent, I have had to hone my musically-adjacent talent. That special talent is hearing almost everything as a band name. Sure, anything can be a band name, except for the fact that, NO –not just anything can be a band name! It takes a certain lilt to the word grouping; the words, like the members of the band, need chemistry. That is why “Car Crash Pitch” and “Attempted Pet Suicide” are good band names and “Whoopie Goldberg Would’ve Surrendered” is not. However, it does sound like a pretty unwatchable Joy Behar spinoff from The View.

I’m fond of playing a little game I made up called “number, color, and object,” which is a great way to come up with band names. It is also a terrible way to come up with Christmas presents. However, band names can appear without us searching for them. Band names like love, castles, and pollution, are in the air.

For instance, with my special talent last Saturday night I found 50 names using only things people said to me. These names are up for grabs. No need to call “dibs.” I assure you, I’m not going to use them — unless someone comes up with a magic machine, or some kind of software, that automatically alters the inaccuracies of my pitch to sound beautiful. Yeah, right, like that will ever happen.

50 Band Names That Are Just Things People Said to Me Last Saturday Night

1. Hey
2. Welcome
3. The Bed is Fine
4. Thank You
5. About 3 Years
6. So Tired of Brooklyn
7. Nice to Meet You
8. From High School
9. I Just Saw Her
10. You’re Late
11. Like Hours
12. Tanqueray Okay
13. Pretty Boring
14. Don’t I Know You
15. We Work Together
16. Cheers
17. No But I Read the Book
18. That’s Funny
19. Everyone’s Going
20. Ready
21. Shots
22. That One Is Broken
23. Told You
24. It’s So Crowded
25. The Bathroom’s Disgusting
26. At The Next Bar
27. No More Shots
28. That’s Not What She Said
29. You’re Shouting
30. Sorry, Sorry
31. Eat Something
32. Get Down
33. They’re Uniforms Not Costumes
34. Don’t Eat That
35. Get Up
36. You Can Stand
37. The Sidewalk is Dirty
38. What Train Are You Taking
39. There Are No Cabs
40. We’re Not With Those People
41. I’m Not Mad
42. That’s a Closet
43. Back Up
44. You’re Not Trapped
46. The Door Is Open
47. Just Turn It
48. The Other Way
49. Finally
50. Go To Sleep

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