6 Ways To Be Successfully Uncoupled (And Happy About It)

1. Do not forget the scientific facts of love. As humans, we are borne by the messy biological business-as-usual that we have no control over. Consciousness is a pitiful hostage of the vulnerable flesh-envelope that is the human body, whose surges, circuits, and secret murmurings it cannot stay or speed. Love is an example of such a cyclical surge. Its peaks and troughs vary with time. What you believe to be complete devotion one day can quickly become bitter vengeance. The only constant relationship you can have is the one you can have with yourself.

2. Sexuality is a murky realm of contradictions and ambivalence. From the dawn of time, humanity has been affected by sexual anxiety. We live on the pins and needles of our hormones, tormented by fantasies, and endlessly goaded by the sense of shame when it comes to realizing undisclosed desires. It is difficult to be sexually satisfied with a single partner. It is necessary to be comfortable with oneself.

3. Do not believe that a relationship can bring catharsis. All love is combat. All love is a wrestling with ghosts. Every relationship bears the shadow of previous lusts. Love is a journey to emptiness and back. You don’t want to cease existing; you want to be. Instead, spend time alone. Allow yourself to be attracted to people – practice letting these feelings of attraction go. Maybe have some casual sex.

4. Remember the last time you felt invincible – at a party, during orgasm, after accomplishing a goal. Hold that feeling. Try to remember the moments afterwards, when you had to wipe up vomit with paper towels, or when you had to gather clothing from the floor, or when you returned to your usual bed and spent an hour staring at the ceiling, paralyzed with doubt. That is love. Not climax, but the sustained anticlimax. Not glory, but the unsavory work of recollection, the work of moving forward with the proverbial ball-and-chain of the past grafted to your leg.

5. Do not forget your ungodliness. It is not your job to transfigure people. Loving someone does not give you the power to change them. You cannot change someone. Moreover, you don’t have to. This world is a sinking ship without enough lifeboats to go around. It is incredibly difficult for people to change – ourselves included. All we can do is hope to take care of ourselves, and perhaps, lend a hand to those we care about. Try to make yourself a good person.

6. Someday, when you wake up dishevelled after a night of poor sleep, look into the mirror. Resist the urge to see yourself as a formless heap of failures. Look into that ageless melancholy of yours, and know that as fractured you are, you are whole. You are a person, an entity. An individual without the need to validate your identity. You are liberated. You are not lost.