7 Old-Fashioned Dates That Would Never Happen In Modern Times


Times have changed. And it’s all rather funny.

1. A Trip To The Ice Cream Parlor

Back in 1954, Hank may have displayed his growing affection for Martha by taking her to the ice cream parlor; a magical place filled with malted milkshakes, fudge sundaes, and people who were thrilled to be a part of a burgeoning middle class and booming postwar economy.

Martha and Hank’s grandchildren, Slade and Ambrosia, have never been to the ice cream parlor. Though they did stop at Red Mango to celebrate their recently completed juice cleanse.

2. Drive-In Movies

Drive-in movies seemed like a great time, but are most definitely a relic of a bygone era. You can’t order Seamless to a Drive-In movie, so pretty much useless.

3. Phone Dates

My mom talks of times where she’d spend hours on the phone, talking to “boys,” then calling up her friend Sharon to talk about each of their respective boy conversations. She said they’d sometimes schedule set times to talk during the school day, so it’d be very important to get “ready” for the evening’s conversation.

For a phone date to happen now, the following must occur:

  • A girl must willingly give a somewhat stranger the phone number to her parent’s house.

4. Joyriding

I watched Dazed and Confused recently, so I know that all young people interactions before the invention of twitter consisted solely of people making friends with diner waitresses and joyriding. Joyriding, it seems, was the key to understand the profound aphorisms that tend to dominate nostalgo-youth culture.

If Slade and Ambrosia went joyriding, there’s no question Slade would get pulled over for texting and driving.

5. Going “Dancing”

In Harry Potter, there’s that prophecy about the ongoing battle between Harry Potter & Voldemort — how “neither can live while the other survives.”

I think the same battle exists between classy, romantic dancing and music created by Juicy J.

6. Sneaking Onto The Beach

A few times in high school/early college, friends and couples would spend the night hanging out on the beach — this was a huge hotspot for 19 year-old hookups, given that the beach was secluded, romantic, and also the beach.

Not sure if this would work nowadays. Couples are probably instagramming selfies of them on the beach, thus alerting that one security guard (who’s currently bored and on instagram) of their whereabouts.

7. Splitting A Plate Of Spaghetti

I just really like the visual, of swiping right, sending a bunch of raunchy texts, and meeting up at a fancy Italian restaurant to charmingly share one serving of Spaghetti & Meatballs. Slade & Ambrosia forever.