Some Questions I Have About Baby Bey-Z
By Kat George
So Bey and The Hov have made all my wishes come true by announcing that they will indeed be bringing another little Greek into the world. In the wake of The Most Important Pregnancy Ever, I have a few questions pending The Chosen One’s emergence from the diamond encrusted womb of Queen B.
When Jay-Z’s sperm impregnated Beyonce’s egg, did it hurt?
Was it magic sperm?
Was it a magic egg?
Is this the Second Coming?
Was that last question stupid, of course this is the Second Coming?
Am I going to cry like a lunatic when the birthing is announced?
Will Bey birth as she performs a sassy dance routine?
Will Bey’s hospital robe be made of sparkles?
Who is going to be more excited during the birthing: Jay-Z or Kanye West?
Will they run next year’s VMAs early so they can live stream the birth?
When the baby comes will Kanye West act like one of those jealous pet dogs and eat the baby?
How many presents do you think Bey and Hov will have to buy Kanye West so he doesn’t feel over shadowed by the baby?
Will Baby Bey-Z call the Obamas “uncle Barack” and “Aunty Michelle”?
Is Beyonce going to sing some meaningful crap about being a mommy? (“All The Yummy Mommies”, “Who Run The World (Mommies)”, “Deja Baby Poop” or “Suga Mommy”?)
Will Baby Bey-Z be the most successful pop / r’n’b / hip hop artist of all time?
Will our fragile human ears even be able to handle Baby Bey-Z’s debut song, or will our heads explode when we hear it?
OMG IS THIS THE END OF THE WORLD?
Is Will Smith going to start pimping Willow even more just to make sure Baby Bey-Z doesn’t have a bigger hit song than she does?
Will Jay-Z and Kanye West sample Baby Bey-Z’s gurgling on their next collaborative album?
Do you think Bey and Hov will let me babysit?