This Is What It Feels Like To Be Heartbroken When You Have Anxiety

Do you know how it feels to not feel anything but yet the pangs of panic smearing your heart with overwhelming anxiety? Do you know what it’s like to have your entire universe snatched away from you? I have known the pain of a million bricks laid on my soul because you were not just a ‘heartbreak’ for me. You were everything. You made me feel everything. And then when you left, you pushed me into the dark pit of inferiority and madness. My mornings were no more crisp and my nights were anything but warm. Your absence crippled me with breathlessness at 2 p.m. and attacks at 3 a.m. All I wished for was a way to shut my brain off because no matter how hard I tried, the painful thoughts of your truth in my life made me reject myself every moment. I doubted myself, isolated myself and did everything which made me regret to have survived to again go through the pain of breathing in your absence another day. I know it sounds scary but do you realize how it has been for me, to have done nothing but love you with all that I had. My love may have been overbearing for your fragile heart to bear, but it was not a mistake to have suffered this torment. I was lost and empty. I had no purpose anymore. You left in in the middle of the road at the blink of your eye, sucking out all the trust and belief I had in me and you did not even care to turn back and look at the pit you had pushed me into. After all this that I have endured, I realized that you may have been a once-in-a-lifetime eclipse but I am the sun. I was shining promises, dancing in the beauty of chaos but, you were the gloom I was ignorant of. I cannot be you. I cannot stop caring, I cannot stop loving you. But here is the thing, I am better than you. I have come to love myself a little more than the crap I gave myself. This heart is mended with no regrets to the path I have been led to. Yes, I am scarred but now, I have this tiny hope that someday when I look back, I will no longer love you.