Budding Roots [A Spoken Word]

I  once dreamed of being her in my youth

To be desirable, yet unattainable, radiant, confident, elusive

With hair that was long and flowing like the Nile

I wanted commitment to escape my loose grip

I wanted to be faint, but significant

I wanted to create the mold society would want to imitate

I did not want to be understood but admired

I wanted to be like air

I found that I was unhappy in my journey towards un-involvement and glory, underserved

I became spiteful, lonely, envious, and hurt

Over time, I learned

That for my life to be beautiful, it would need to be healthy first

It became clear that I didn’t need to leave,

I needed to stay, to put down roots, and to grow slow

Somewhere between silence and sound, I saw that this life could be more than mundane with heartbreaking news in-between, I saw that there could be beauty

I see that strength is available to those who dig deeper

I see now that life offers us the opportunity to stay when our emotions are shouting at us to run

I am allowing myself to let my roots run deep

Deeper than they have ever been

Yes, I am afraid

But I cannot stop

I must continue to grow