A List of Things to Do With Your CVS Receipts (Besides Bitch About Them)

1. Use them as an increment of measurement.

Forget feet or yards—for your next restraining order, demand that your enemies stay exactly 15 CVS receipts away from you. You will never see them again. Promise.

2. Use the backs to write important memos.

Finally, a piece of paper that is adequately long enough to write out a complete and proper hit list. You’ll even have room to squeeze in Emily from the first grade for that time she ate her own booger in your presence and became a source of all your childhood trauma.

3. Interior decoration.

Each coupon is the perfect size and dimension to create lovely origami, which you can hang from your bedroom ceiling.

4. Exterior decoration.

Halloween is just around the corner. Toilet paper is expensive. Throw CVS receipt paper through the tree branches in the yards of your enemies instead.

5. Gift wrap.

Speaking of holidays, Christmas will be here before we know it. Skip the bows and just use a CVS receipt instead. Tape or tie it on top of the gift, and BAM! You help loved ones save money as well. It’s the gift that just keeps on giving.

6. Recycle them.

Instead of using that coupon for $3 dollars off of a dozen rolls of toilet paper, just use the entire receipt as toilet paper. Save money in a more practical way. If your toilet gets clogged, start shopping at Walgreens.

7. Stay warm.

Why throw away your CVS receipts when you can just crumple them up and stuff them inside the lining of your jacket on those cold winter nights? The receipts could also be used as scarves. Just saying.

8. Write ransom-note love letters.

Why cut and paste letters and words from magazines, when you can just use CVS receipts? Let your crush know they’re special and that you’re holding their cat hostage until they agree to go on a date with you by sending them a message fashioned from all of those unused ex-lax coupons.

9. Go digital.

Stop being an asshole and complaining about how long the receipts are and ask your cashier if you can go digital. When you go digital, your receipt and miles of coupons will all be sent to your email. Stop bitching and actually take two seconds to do something about it. Yes, it’s that easy.

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