Being The Devil’s Food
What is it that I have that makes men so incapable of liking me for more than just a good time?
What is it that I have that makes men so incapable of liking me for more than just a good time?
I have all the evidence saved in my computer, so don’t worry about going back into your e-mail and deleteing.manipulating everything.
Call it revenge, call it pent up sexual tension, I’m still not sure what to call it. Maybe just call it a fateful night at a bar.
It helps to know that on the outside I look the same as I always did, but it hurts to know that if I told those men about my secret that they would go running for the hills. And I wouldn’t even blame them.
When we go back to my apartment, everything will look different to him, and different has replaced actual sex appeal as the most attractive thing in his world. In my apartment, there are no problems.
You have a wife. You have a child. You have a family who loves you a lot and a life that brings you joy. I have a twin mattress on the floor of an apartment I can barely pay for and a life haunted by your existence.
I say I don’t want sex. He doesn’t understand why.
Married by 25. Kids by 27. We’d be virgins for you, we swore. I was supposed to find you straight of high school, maybe in college. And I’d fall asleep imagining your strong arms keeping me safe. Are you looking for me, too?
I carefully waited for my phone to illuminate with your name and the words that I want to hear.
Even as I write this now I am debating whether or not to erase it all together.