Compare your significant other to someone new and feel relieved. Compare your significant other to someone new and feel regret. Have a terrible night out that convinces you there’s no way this can go on. Have a three month-long period of bliss and earnestly begin to believe that you could actually spend the rest of your life with this person.
Capitalizing on the fact that I know how to use the Internet better than old people, I hope to find a position in your company that pays me way more money than I need, will allow me to mostly ‘fake work,’ will not require face-to-face interaction with any of the company’s employees, will send me to cool places like Tokyo and Munich, allows dubious use of the expense account, forgives hangover performance, and is, in general, incredibly easy.
In other words, when in conflict with someone who’s not scared of confrontation, your mind should go completely blank – you should be totally unable to form any sort of reasonable response to what’s being said. Further, as explained in the point above, you agree with what’s being said – you’re actually, temporarily convinced by the stance offered.
There’s a class of movie that has at its center the basic idea of “character who has everything on the outside, but has just figured out that s/he has nothing on the inside.” Arguably one of the lessons of these kinds of movies is something like “Money doesn’t buy happiness,” but somehow, some films seem to glamorize both the affluence and the emptiness that may come along with such a lifestyle…
Stalking exes. Besides famine, disease, miserable suffering, etc., there are few things in life as depressing as a bottle of whiskey, a dark room, and your ex’s Facebook profile. Just stop.
14-year-old Rebecca Black has reportedly dropped out of school due to excessive bullying about that one song she put out on the internet. Poor girl apparently couldn’t take the heat anymore.
In no particular order, here are some tweets that might have been written by the main characters from the hit television show Seinfeld, if Twitter was around then.
Remember when we covered the 90 square-foot Manhattan apartment that was going for $700 a month little while back? Here’s your newest future nervous breakdown – a 78 square-foot Manhattan mini-studio that rents for $800 a month.
Brunch with five people – your parents, your aunt, your grandfather and his friend from church – and for some reason you’ve ordered a Nova Scotia benedict: The sights and smells of the high fat, high carb piles of meat that show up on your table. The constant churning of your stomach. The knowledge that if any of the food in front of you even comes close to your mouth you’re going to lose it…
There’s a certain romance people both believe and attempt to pursue in their engagement of these activities (I think this is a completely reasonable goal, by the way) and I’m here today to discuss those that I think are most pervasive.