“Here’s why I’m better than all your other candidates, make no mistake,” you write in your cover letter. “I’m highly relatable, am a great team player, and have a passion for sales and marketing. I’m the man for the job, sir.” This is where you actually have to leave the laptop, go to the kitchen sink and retch.
Co-founder of PayPal Peter Thiel will soon be giving out $100,000 fellowships to 24 recent recipients of his Thiel Fellowship. The catch? They drop of out school and work for two years with over 100 Silicon Valley veterans as mentors to “further develop their ideas in areas such as biotechnology, education, and energy,” according to the The Chronicle of Higher Education.
Like a dictatorial state, the goal here is basically to censor any expression of less-than-ideal emotions such that it appears, from the outside, as if your partner simply isn’t allowed to voice attitudes that convey the relationship is anything other than ideal.
Filled with muscular douchebags, old men with ponytails, large dudes wearing hockey jerseys, 45-year-old women with massive, unnatural-looking breast implants, single moms with faces obscured by a layer cake of make-up and way too much bad lipstick, ditzy white-girl cheeleaders turned vacuous suburbanite idiots, porn is produced by a class of people that, well, not too many of us choose to be around.
I’ve often had a sort of silent, pre-language sense of conflict with the skinny jeans part of this outfit, as I’m not sure if they disqualify me from being categorized as professional, but I often mitigate this conflict by imagining that skinny jeans have been around for a long time now, so long that it seems everyone is wearing them, and so perhaps my professionalism is simply enhanced by them because they indicate not only “professional” but “savvy.”
In sum, all this hyper-awareness, overanalysis and incessant judgment basically leads to a big, revolving ball of metaphysical shit that really can dampen the mood at the dinner table.
When compared to life outside the party, the amount of jokes thrown into conversation at parties seems to be disproportionately large. I have noticed – in myself and, basically, everyone – that the behavior that immediately follows a jokey statement in the middle of a conversation is reliable and consistent across demographics.
“Oh gosh, I don’t know how I would function,” said Becky, a 52-year-old from Oshkosh, Wis., who’s been taking generic Adderall XR. “It helps me get up in the morning and get going. If I didn’t have it, I probably wouldn’t get up out of bed. I’d be so confused and my mind would be racing.”
Fresh new unemployment numbers and an extremely crappy economy are causing all the new college grads to move back in with mom and dad. Time reported on Tuesday that according to a poll conducted by consulting firm Twentysomething Inc., some 85% of new college grads are going back home not long after their cap and gown ceremony.
Do I have a career right now? Will I refer to this time as part of my career later? When am I going to have a career? Is this a career? Is this life, or is life going to happen later? Is everyone still getting married and settling down? Is that something everyone’s eventually going to do? Or did everyone stop doing that? Like, you know how everyone’s parents got married and then got divorced? Is that our destiny?