College was a much easier transition for you than it was for a lot of people. Name games, introducing yourself over and over and over, getting lost, asking for help, having no clue what you were doing – that was your entire childhood.
The person who says they’ll only eat one piece of pizza when you’re putting in the group order is actually the one you have to watch out for. “I’ll just have one little piece.” NO YOU WILL NOT KAREN YOU LIAR.
Your airport experience usually involves buying candy at one of the newsstands and eating it on the floor until your flight boards, or standing in line at McDonald’s and ordering a McFlurry as your “reward” for traveling.
“Hungry. Horny. Hungover.”
Give up meat just one day a week. If the entire U.S. population abstained from meat or cheese for just one day a week, over the course of one year it would be the equivalent of taking 7.6 million cars off the road.
To other people: *text* Hey! Can we reschedule brunch? I’m so busy today eek sorry!
To your best friend: *text* I’m laying hungover in my bed like a fat sultan and I think I’m gonna throw up so I can’t leave the house and I NEED you.
It’s such a romantic notion, isn’t it? The idea that someone is lost in a downward spiral, and that your love is the only thing that’s strong enough to pull them out of it.
Feeling guilty that you aren’t starting a blog like everybody else, but also hating everybody else for starting a blog.
If you go to a house party where someone has a cat, you forget to socialize with humans for the first 45 minutes because you’re too busy trying to win the approval of the feline.
They’re thinking about the future in terms of savings, bills, major life purchases, etc. You’re thinking about the future in terms of what you have to DVR this week.