I’m sorry, I’m really not sorry. You can tell me I’m a psycho person still in love with my first love, or that I’m a terrible person for writing about an experience I had, but look, this is my passion as well as the way I make my money. I don’t give a shit what you think.
HOLY SHIT. HOLLYY SHIT. OMG. I CANNOT BREATHE. WHAT IN THE HECK, TAYLOR SWIFT. ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?????????
You know it won’t be like this forever. I mean, you hope. Because that’s what your friends and parents say. That’s what every advice article says. That’s what I’ve even said before. But, will you? Will he or her? Will I? Can you ever stop loving the person you gave your heart to? Can you ever heal that part of your heart that they took from you?
Now, after ten years of silence they are back with a banging single, ‘Take Me’ and guys, IT IS SO GOOD. THEY CAME THROUGH AND I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.
My OCD is not wanting to be clean. It’s not mopping my apartment floors ever day. It’s not driving back home to make sure I didn’t light the place on fire. It’s not rearranging my desk a million times a day. It’s not rinsing and lathering and repeating.
My OCD is exactly this: it’s thoughts that spin round and round inside my head. Terrible, scary, dark thoughts that just pop in and out and in and out.
You know that you will never be perfect. You know that you are a human. And you have had to learn along the way that life is going to hand you obstacles and battles to fight. You will fail and fall and fail some more. But in that, you learn more about yourself and you grow into a better person.
You hate small talk because there is no way out of it. There’s no escape. There’s no way to plan what they are going to say or ask of you. It makes you incredibly nauseous and sweaty. It can even cause you to have a panic attack.
You’re terrified to tell people about these thoughts because you don’t want them to think you would actually do any of them.
It’s embarrassing and scary to admit that you have these thoughts that pop up in your head when you don’t believe in them. You aren’t crazy or psycho or a serial killer. It’s an illness. Get the help you need.
You’re SUPPOSED to make mistakes at this age. Learn from them and grow from them.