This is also why ‘mobile social games’ and things like that don’t work. Things like FourSquare that are designed to make people ‘be more social’ are inefficient – you could ‘check in’ someplace and then check your Twitter to see who else has checked in there and wait for your friends to reply via social networking. Or you could just, like. Text them.
When one is highly intoxicated and in the presence, privately, of a computer connected to the internet, there are several activities in which one can commonly engage. The following guide will prescribe the top five most useful common behaviors for transforming the act of being drunk at home alone into a wildly social activity.
You will go to the mall every day. This is your religion. You should steal some jewelry from ‘Claire’s’ or a place like it. You should do this even if you’re a boy, because then people will think you’re funny for wearing a heart charm, or smooth if you give it to a girl later. Don’t say anything, just kind of drop it in her hand or in her lap, wrapped in a piece of notebook paper haphazardly…
I rarely saw him on ‘rec.arts.poetry’ thereafter either, although I think on one occasion like a year following our incident I searched his name on the newsgroup and found one extremely bad poem he had posted on the newsgroup [even at age 14 I knew it was an ‘extremely bad poem.’]
Foursquare intends to ‘make a game out of’ going to places like someone’s house or a coffee shop. Theoretically you and all your friends are in possession of 1. Mobile devices 2. Twitter and/or Facebook accounts 3. Foursquare accounts. You and all your friends also enjoy going to the same coffee shops, restaurants and houses, theoretically.
Take pictures of the food you’re eating in other countries and post them on Facebook. Take your time ‘figuring out your plan’ while your aging parents extend themselves to pay back your student debt. Brag about your dick size. Brag about your game. Brag about how many beautiful women you have been with this week to the woman you are drunkenly going home with.
Your feed will continue to be populated with the deceased person’s most famous quotes, YouTubes of memorable moments in the person’s career, or 140-character conveyances about what that person/that person’s work meant to the individual who is commemorating them by Tweeting. You observe this with curiosity and some compassion, a public funeral ceremony for a stranger in which you are not participating, and feel increasingly uncomfortable.
Your bro IMs you being like ‘sup’ and you respond ‘hang on, I’m in the middle of something at work’ and they reply ‘lol.’ Or you get an IM like ‘how are you,’ and you go ‘I’m okay, sick of the rain’ and they reply ‘lol,’ or you say ‘I’m good’ and they say ‘lol.’
I have received a mail suggesting I should marry the sender when we are single and something to do with that they would/wouldn’t wear bow ties, can’t find the mail. I regularly receive drunk mails from a friendly Scottish guy with an aggressive brand of humor. I have received a mail about how I destroyed someone’s life somehow…
Once you send the person you only recently only kind-of met a text message that says ‘hey is anything going on tonight’ you will ‘tip your hand’, so to speak, and you should be aware that you should not send text messages like that, nor text messages to the effect of ‘what are you up to’ after a certain hour unless you would like the recipient to construe your text message as a sexual invitation. That is just the world we live in.