To My Future Maid Of Honor, I’m Sorry
I’m sorry for the times I’ll put him first. You see, loving him is scary and exciting and new, and I want to devote my time and energy to this new bond. But I will never forget us.
I’m sorry for the times I’ll put him first. You see, loving him is scary and exciting and new, and I want to devote my time and energy to this new bond. But I will never forget us.
You can move on, but you can’t really unlove someone. This is what I learned trying to rewrite poetry into lines and verses that didn’t sound like him and I. When I tried taking pictures down from my walls as if I could somehow erase the memories, make them less painful somehow.
It’s like the entire world is on fast forward and I’m stuck in pause. Or slow motion. Watching people and faces drift in and out of focus all around me, wondering if at some point it’ll all slow down and I’ll find my footing again.
It is in those moments, as my hands fly across the page or my fingers click against the keyboard, that I long to be understood.
Your social media page cannot tell the beautifully crafted story of your life and of who you are. It cannot define you. And it cannot perfectly represent you.
So don’t let it.
I know I’m not the first twenty-something to go through this sort of experience. To have someone roll their eyes, shake their head, or chastise you via social media because you’re just that—a twenty-something—and thus you apparently know nothing about life.
It’s not because you’re lazy, or forgetful, or made a mistake. It’s because you overlooked this little thing. Which builds into bigger things, which suddenly becomes an attitude of nonchalance.
When you’re in love, things change. You start having new desires, less-selfish desires, desires that you create and build and believe in together. And it’s even better than when you were alone, even better than you both imagined. I know this. And I know there’s nothing wrong with this, but I just don’t want it right now.
You are the soil beneath my feet,
the ground I’ve walked on, the roads
I’ve traveled, West Coast to Midwest.
I’m here.