Blab all you can about your sex life… Enrich the world with your own unique form of awfulness. For that — and kitten photos — is what the internet was created for. …Go forth, my winged monkey creatures, and blab.
You have ideas when you’re not trying to. That’s when ideas happen. “All the good ideas that I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow,” said a very famous person, once upon a time.
…I am not afraid. I was born for this.
If I were a robot, I would probably not kill all humans. Emphasis on the “probably” part. …Because I’m not making any absolute guarantees about my behavior as a robot. I wouldn’t want to limit myself in that way.
“If a person grits his teeth and shows real determination, failure is not an option — that’s how winning is done! Believe me when I say we can break this army here, and win just one… for the Gipper.“
Colors so bright, they broke my heart.
…Yeah, I feel the same way about Valentine’s Day that the cartoon character “Cathy” feels about Valentine’s Day: ack, ack, ack, ack. …Which is really all that I have in common with the character Cathy — except for the fact that chocolate also goes straight to my thighs; I FEEL YOU ON THAT ONE GIRL.
At its core, probably, Jupiter consists of a diamond that is the size of the planet Earth. …Allow me to repeat that: …A DIAMOND. THE SIZE OF. THE PLANET EARTH. This fact has always haunted me for some reason. Well, not for “some reason.” The thing is, I want to have that diamond! Could I assemble a team of men to steal it, Nicholas-Cage-movie-style?
“…You are a panhandler, begging for anything, and I am the man walking briskly by, tossing a quarter or so into your paper cup. I can afford to give you this. This does not break me. I give you virtually everything I have. I give you all of the best things I have, and while these things are things that I like, memories that I treasure, good or bad, like the pictures of my family on my walls I can show them to you without diminishing them. I can afford to give you everything.”
You’d fall in love with me if you saw me wearing my scarf. At first you wouldn’t know what it was that you were feeling. Just some vague sensation of desire. Then you’d say, “Oliver, I never say stuff like this and I do not know what’s come over me, but can I… touch your scarf?” And I’d say: “…No.”