I Hate Everything Right Now

“It’s cool. S/he’s probably just busy right now” turns into you singing Beyonce’s “Irreplacable” and imagining the different ways you could set them on fire without getting caught.

8 Types Of Frenemies You Can Have

So every time your boss is all, “I LOVE THIS GUY. ISN’T DAVID THE BEST?!” you’re like, “Yes, he’s the best! …at making me want to hole-punch my eyeballs out… hey, Dave! What are you up to after work? Let’s get drinks!”

What You Say In Job Interviews Vs. What You Think In Job Interviews

“This is so embarrassing. Don’t make me do this. Are you really asking me this question? I’m not even close to qualified for this job and we both know it, so I’ll go ahead and make something up about how my previous experience has somehow prepared me for this position. This is embarrassing. There — you’ve humiliated me. Are you happy?”

To My Neighbors On The Stairwell Who Won’t STFU At 3 AM On A Week Night

You see, my bed is actually on the opposite side of the wall of the stairwell, and the only window in the bedroom nook opens directly adjacent to the railing you all lean against, blow smoke over, and tell ridiculously unfunny jokes that are laughable only when their stupidity is recognized (or if you’re a drunk person in your group).

Things You Might Learn In A Relationship

Perception is temporary and strange. What did I even do for dinner before I was with her? With certain people, this weird sense of loss stretches to encompass not only how they behave but their entire identity.

New Candidate for Worst Mother Ever

This new candidate comes out strong in the race for Worst Mother Ever: forcing a vulnerable and helpless child to hold hot sauce in its mouth while she berates it, then stripping its clothes and yelling “YOU ARE IN THE SHOWER BECAUSE YOU MADE BAD CHOICES. DO YOU HEAR ME?” while the child wails in terror. Video I hope she’s ashamed of inside.

Unborn Baby Attempts Scene From the Movie Aliens

If I was this woman I might go to the hospital to sedate my fetus. Is this normal? Having second thoughts about pregnancy. Uncomfortable video of a fetus attempting escape the prison of its womb after the jump.

Social Darwin Award Candidate Films Himself on 24-hour Binge of Four Loko

“My wife came downstairs and shook me awake. The entire room smelled of Four Loko – it was like the worst prom after-party ever. I opened all the windows and walked upstairs, where I passed out again in bed. I slept fitfully for another four hours. When I woke up, I stank of the stuff. My mouth was dry and there was a giant sweat stain on the bed.” Video inside.

12-Story Hotel In China Falls Over

A 12-story hotel in China recently fell over – in three seconds. How? A combination of poor choice of location, heavy rains, weak construction and physics. Lucky there weren’t other similarly constructed buildings close by, otherwise there might have been a domino effect. Video inside.