Dating Her Does Not Mean You Get To Control Her


Even if she is committed to keeping you happy, even if she would do anything for the sake of your relationship, even if she pledged to spend the rest of her life alongside you, that does not mean you have the right to control and manipulate her. You do not get to make her decisions. She is still her own person. She still has her own thoughts and opinions and choices.

Dating her does not mean you are allowed to tell her who she is allowed to text, what time she is allowed to stay out until, or what she is allowed to wear when she leaves the house. You do not get to give her ultimatums.

Dating her does not mean you are in charge of her. It does not mean you are her superior. It means you are her teammate. It means you are her equal.

That doesn’t mean you have zero say in your own relationship. If you are uncomfortable with her texting a certain someone, then sit down and have a mature conversation with her about it. Help her see the situation from your point of view and then try to see the situation from her point of view. Come to a compromise you both agree upon.

There is nothing wrong with wishing she would stop talking to certain exes or hoping she will decide to take more weekends off to spend with you. Your concerns are perfectly valid. What is not valid is barking out demands for her to follow. You can share your thoughts and allow her to come to her own conclusion — but you do not get to order her around.

You have three choices. You can accept her exactly the way she is. You can see if you can come to a compromise about the things that make you uncomfortable. Or you can break up with her. 

Controlling her is not one of your options. You do not get to set rules for her to follow. You can create guidelines and boundaries for your relationship together. But the key word is together. You should be on the same page. You should be working toward a common goal.

Do not become territorial when she goes from friend to girlfriend. Dating her does not mean you have permission to control her. It does not mean she has to listen to everything you say.

She is not your property. She is your girlfriend.

Even if she obeys your orders, even if she never complains to you about the way you treat her, that does not mean what you are doing is okay. That does not mean it is healthy.

If you love her, if you respect her, if you want her to reach the pinnacle of happiness, then you are not going to force her into eating what you want or exercising when you want. You are not going to cut her off from her loved ones. You are not going to take away her ability to choose because you are making all her decisions for her.

Dating her does not mean you get to control her. It only means you get to love her.