Despite The Pain You’re In, You Need To Move On


If I ask you why you love someone, what would your answer be? You could probably enumerate a lot of reasons as to why you fell in love with a specific person.You could tell me how aesthetically attractive he is or on how erudite his manner of speaking is or how much his words can make your heart melt. You could tell me how flawless and perfect he is that it baffles you how someone like him actually exists. However, all of these characteristics, no matter how enticing they may sound like, are just delusions. 
You do not choose the people you love. It is something that just comes. It is an inexplicable feeling that you unexpectedly encounter. It is something that you just know, and need not to explain. You fall in love because you just DO. You just wake up everyday having this joyful and inspired aura as if you won the lottery, knowing that you will talk or spend time with that special someone who has effortlessly smitten you. If what you feel is caused by any physical attribute or intrinsic goodness, then tell me why among all other people who could possess these characteristics did you choose him/her? It is, if I may say, magic- an emotion that springs from a void. 

For this reason – the inability to choose the one who captures your heart, you sometimes get hurt. It is because when you love someone, you’re giving that person a ticket to inflict pain – whether his/her reason is rational or irrational. There is no assurance that you’ll spend forever with him/her, what becomes important to you is the “NOW”, the present, and that’s why the possibility of an impending doom becomes oblivious. Nothing else matters as long as you know you still have that person. But then, things in love can get ugly, and when it does, you’ll find yourself lost. 

One of the worst things in life is waking up the next day knowing that he/she is gone. What makes it worse is the feeling of helplessness, knowing that there is nothing you can do to reverse the situation or take back all that was lost. As much as you wanted to forget and bury the pain in the deepest recesses of your fragile heart, you just can’t. Hence, you isolate yourself from everyone and indulge yourself with sorrow. You  lie in your bed and force yourself to sleep. But then, your efforts become futile because your brain starts to mock and haunt you with all the memories that still lingers- the midnight conversations, the laughter, and his sweetness- every single detail that distinguishes this person from everyone else; every single reason that made you fall in love with this person. And then, to aggravate the situation, “WHAT IFS” start to conjure in your mind and you unrelentingly try to figure out where things started to become a mess. You find it unfair that you are suffering from so much pain, which at the moment, feels so numbing and unbearable, while that person goes on with his/her life. 

It is unfair, but it is one of the inevitable realities of life… and love. I have been there and I have spent a lot of time wallowing in misery. Honestly, I am still not completely healed from the ravaging experience I had with love… but I am trying, because I know I have to. Let me tell you something, whoever is reading this and can find an empathic link with what I’m writing, you’ll get pass through that. It may not be soon, but you will. Contrary to what other people might have advised you, I will not tell you to completely forget and eradicate all those things that make you remember your glorious days with him. It is because that would merely be impossible to do. It will stay with you forever like a scar, not unless you find a way, such as that in the movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, to make you forget. Those memories will momentarily reverberate and you cannot really escape from that. It will hurt for some time, maybe a long time, but it will not hurt you forever. At some certain point, you’ll get tired of crying and you’ll get used to the pain. And then the next thing you know is that the world is revolving again for you, and you start to realize that you don’t want to be miserable anymore. It took me 2 and a half years to realize that, and it seemed like forever. Now that I’m starting to get back to my senses, I feel emancipated. I thought I will never reach this point, but I did, and so do you, whoever you are that is reading this article who is finding it hard to get over. 

Never regret loving someone and never be too afraid of being hurt. Love makes us human, and so does pain. Learn from your experience and try to move on. You owe yourself happiness. If you cannot do it for yourself, then do it for the people who has been there with you in your sorrow. They love you too and as much as they wanted to help remove the bad emotions in you, they can’t unless you let yourself be healed. Life and love is so beautiful; you just have to acknowledge that it is not centered on that specific person that broke your heart. 

Final Word: Let go. Let God. 

featured image – Viktor Hanáček