Effort Is Sexy


Playing a waiting game to see if I will send the first text is not attractive. Saying you’ll meet me there instead of offering to pick me up is not attractive. Showing up at dinner wearing the same shirt you’ve had on all week is not attractive. Telling me you’re unsure when you’ll have the time to hang out again so you’ll let me know is not attractive.

Effort is attractive. Effort is the sexiest thing in the universe.

Stop acting like you don’t care, like it doesn’t make a difference whether you hear from me again or never see my face again. Stop working hard to come across as aloof because it makes you look like an asshole.

I want you to care. Care about our conversations. Care about what you wear on our dates. Care about what I think of you. Care about whether I’m going to ask to see you again.

I am not going to think you’re desperate because you are upfront about how you feel about me. Answering texts within minutes and making plans a week ahead of time is not clingy. It shows you care. It means I matter to you. That’s what I want. Proof that you aren’t stringing me along.

I am sick of guys who think mixed signals will get them the girl. Acting too busy to see me will not convince me you have a thriving social life. It will convince me to walk away because you clearly don’t like me enough to set aside time for me.

The easiest way to lose my interest is to act like you are emotionless. To text me after midnight and set plans at the last second. To act like you have a million other options and I should be lucky to attain a minute of your time.

I am not asking for anything unreasonable. I am not asking you to chase me. You shouldn’t be the one sending the first text every time and planning every date and making every move — but shouldn’t be either. We should both be putting in effort. We should both be passionate about making a relationship work.

If you want to date me, look me in the eyes instead of down at your phone. Tell me you miss me instead of making me guess how you feel. Ask me on an official date instead of vaguely asking to hang out sometime. Make your feelings obvious and I will do the same. I will put in as much effort as you do.

With me, you will get the same amount that you give. That means if you take days to answer my texts, then I am not going to answer you back within seconds. If you tell me you’re too busy to see me whenever I’m free, I am not going to rearrange my entire schedule to make time for you. If you act like you couldn’t care less about me, then I am going to stop caring about you.