Face It: You’re Addicted To Pants


You’d admired cool pants from afar for too many years. Too scared, too cautious, too hesitant to be adventurous with your choice of lower body attire. You wanted a new pair of pants. You wanted to be free.

You were only browsing innocently. You needed pants for work anyway. Skirts are fantastic but maneuvering your way through life in them can be an unnecessary struggle.  In pants though, the limit does not exist.

Then you saw them. Black culottes, the pants/shorts hybrid you always thought you hated. How ignorant you were. The fabric was luxurious as it slipped over your fingers. You knew it would feel just as good over your bare knees. You tried them on and before you could register what you were doing, you were taking them to the cash register. Culottes, your gateway drug. This is how the addiction began.

You needed more pants like you needed oxygen, essential amino acids and overpriced single origin coffee. How could you not? You’d spent at least 10 years of your life in restrictive skinny jeans and slim cut trousers. Now that your calves had a taste of freedom there was no turning back.

You drove 30 minutes to buy your next pair of pants. They were called peg leg pants. You always wanted to be a pirate. They didn’t restrain your calves, they felt snug yet comfortable around your waist, your ankles could finally breathe. They were perfect. They were the pants you had to buy.

You ventured into the online scene. Rose colored obi tie pants. They were made for someone two inches taller than you but you’d never owned pink pants before. You felt outrageous, you felt unrestricted and free. Was it the color or the roomy crotch?  This was the liberation you had been craving your whole life. Who knew it could be found in a pair of pants?

You wondered what scenario these pants would be appropriate in. That’s when you realized that there was no scenario in which these pants were inappropriate. Pants had changed you. There would be no more hesitation.

Pants. You wear them nearly every day. Back then, they were only a necessity to prevent strange looks, termination from your job and contracting herpes simplex virus. Now they’re 45% of your life.