Here Are 10 Things People Should Do With Their SuPeR CuTe Date Ideas
This is a spite-listicle—a spitesicle, if you will—written by a writer who’s written her fair share of dumb date ideas. With Valentine’s in full swing, the ‘date ideas’ posts are frolicking and plaguing your newsfeed like never before. Well, no. Never before is wrong—because every year, every month, every day, even, people are writing date ideas for you because they have to. No shade to anyone who’s been forced or inspired to do so, myself included, but what if we fools were held accountable for our ideas? What if the purveyors, those of us who write and share cUte FuN dAtE iDeAsSs, had to answer to them with actions? Here are a few (fun?) suggestions.
1. Write down all of your cute date ideas on colorful pieces of paper and put them in a jar
Then take that jar and go to your old middle school and put it in one of your teacher’s mailboxes—whoever still works there, doesn’t matter what subject—with a note that says “are you proud of how I’m spending my time?”
2. Go buy pre-sliced sugar cookies, you know the kind, the ones that only ever get half-eaten at parties
Bake them! Then eat one for every cute date idea that you had. If you don’t feel low key gross/sick/pre-diabetic after doing this, then you are allowed to share those ideas with the world.
3. Call your mother and read her each and every one of your ideas
Does she have the time? Is she amused? Is anyone?
4. Get a tattoo of the best idea on your lower back
Really believe it. Dig into it. Dig it into your skin, you know. Because cute ideas are worth their weight in skin—every serial killer and listicle author knows that! (I’m sorry. This was a little intense for number 4, not even halfway through. But all’s fair in love and bad ideas on the Internet, Al Gore said that.)
5. Sing every idea out loud to the tune of ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’
Do they sound worse? Better? Silly? Record this moment and play it for your cousins.
6. Text each idea to one of your friends
Go ahead, take out your phone and type out those cute ideas and ask, “what do you think? Is this a good look? Would this be cool? Is this crazy?” Be grateful for their honesty. Be pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised by everyone who wants to carry out these ideas with you.
7. Have the ideas screenprinted on a tee shirt
Wear it to parties where you don’t know everybody and will probably only have like three people to talk to—it’s a conversation starter or ender. A win-win. A lose-lose.
8. Re-write Hitch but use all of your ideas as the zany, “what could possibly go wrong?!” date scenarios
Try to use the word “zany” in the dialogue. Honestly? This one actually sounds fun, like I love Hitch, it’s ten year anniversary was on February 11th, 2015. FYI. So, I want to do this one. Anyone want to re-write Hitch with me? Anyone?
9. Take a shot for every idea you shared with the world
Buy the same amount of shots for your significant other and drink them all together at once and then go over all of your cute ideas together and then black out and wake up the next day and see if you guys did anything cute—Instagram the cute things! Cute!
10. Close your laptop and go outside and call someone who loves you and will entertain all of your bad, half-baked, seasonally-inspired ideas
I will too. Love you, mean it.