Here’s Your Unofficial Outline For Netflix’s ‘The Umbrella Academy’

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If you’re a big fan of weird, you’re going to love The Umbrella Academy on Netflix. The Umbrella Academy isn’t your typical superhero narrative. Let me back up to the beginning. On one day in October 1989, forty-three women who were not pregnant suddenly became pregnant and immediately went into labor in a matter of seconds. Yes, you read that right. Right off the bat, you’re thrown into this bizarre world, that feeds your imagination, and it doesn’t slow down for anyone.

So next, a billionaire in England, who may or may not be human, decides that he wants to buy some of these kids. I mean, why not? He’s rich, and they must be unique in some way? For whatever reason, he decides on purchasing seven of them while compensating the “mothers” that gave birth to them. Instead of giving them names he gives them numbers, breeding daddy issues from the very beginning.

Number 1: He was born with superhuman strength until he nearly dies on a mission where daddy dearest saves his life by injecting a serum that turns him half-primate. (not pretty) To avoid his guilt, he then sends Number 1 to the moon for four years for absolutely no reason other than to keep him out of sight.

Number 2: He’s a knife thrower that can pin down or take out anyone from any distance. Some people throw balls and play catch while Number 2 will throw a knife through your heart.

Number 3: She tells rumors. Wait how is that a superpower? Well, any rumor she says instantly becomes true. If she tells a bank robber that she heard a rumor that he shot his partner in the foot, the bank robber will immediately shoot his partner in the foot.

Number 4: He can talk to the dead, but he doesn’t want to. We learn how frightened he is by his superpower from a young age. As he grows, he figures out how to numb his conscious with drugs and alcohol so that he can escape the deadly reality. Only for the moments, he’s sober, we learn just how vital his powers are as he serves as a portal to the afterlife.

Number 5: He’s a time traveler who time travels his way so far into the future that he’s unable to come back. He grows in the future to be 58-years-old only to find his way back to his siblings trapped in the same 13-year-old body from when he left.

Number 6: He’s a deadly shape-shifter with tentacles that violently kill everyone in the room with a single reach.

Number 7: She is the only child without powers, or so we’re led to believe. She resents the other siblings as she watches from the sidelines only to hear her dad constantly remind her of how average she is.

It gets even better:

Mary J Blige

Mary J Blige was celebrating no more drama in her life until now. Now, she plays a hit-women named Cha-Cha who will murder you for looking at her the wrong way. There’s a lot of drama now. You’ll love to hate her, and her partner, Hazel, a sadistic duo who kill for sport and in the same breath will find the time to complain about their declining health benefits as time-traveling assassins. I mean, I agree, you’d think a job like that would have the most benefits…

My Chemical Romance

So how exactly did this story come to be? Well, remember My Chemical Romance? Remember the lead singer that screamed a lot and made tweens scream even louder? His name is Gerard Way, and he wrote The Umbrella Academy as a comic that inspired Netflix to bring it to screen. And if you’re a die-hard fan of My Chemical Romance, know that the characters in The Umbrella Academy were inspired by Gerard’s bandmates, an inspiration that sparked:

·       Superheroes

·       Superpowers

·       Talking to the dead

·       Mary J Blige

·       My Chemical Romance

·       Time traveling

·       Daddy issues

·       Violence

·       Outer space

There’s even a few more to add to the dysfunction:

·       Two of the siblings but not really siblings are in love.

·       One of the boys is in love with a mannequin.

·       The mother is a robot that looks human and oh, the butler is a walking talking ape named Pogo.

So if you’re looking to watch something that’s original, creative, and totally out there, The Umbrella Academy is it. You can thank me later. I just hope there will be another season so we can find out what happened to the other thirty-six kids born on that day…