Honestly, I Don’t Want To Change Myself

I don’t want to change who I am.

I finally like who I am. I don’t want to change any of it to please anyone. I don’t want to stop being nice so people can leave me alone. I don’t want to start playing games so I can be more attractive.

I don’t want to wear a mask that doesn’t fit me. I don’t want to play a role that isn’t mine.

Because I can be that person people want to me to be. I can be distant, aloof, manipulative and disingenuous but I’m choosing not to. I’m choosing to be me. I’m choosing to let my thoughts flow freely and my words come out unfiltered. I’m choosing to let my heart guide me and my intuition to lead the way.

I’d rather be myself and lose than lose myself to win.

I’d rather show the world who I am and people could either take it or leave it. I refuse to change the parts I love about myself. I refuse to let people destroy what took me years to build. I refuse to let people make me hate what took me years to love and accept. I refuse to mold myself into what someone wants me to be or who my father wanted me to be or who my boss thinks I should be.

But what about who I want to be? What about the person I want to become? What about attracting like-minded people who like to be nice, kind, open and genuine? What about being someone who automatically rejects manipulative and shady people? Why do I have to give up all that? Why do I have to change all the parts of me that are working? All the parts of me that are appreciated and loved by the right people. All the dearest parts of me that I can’t let go.

I don’t want to change myself. It’s not a crime to stay true to yourself. It’s not a crime to be a little stubborn with your character when people attack it. It’s not a crime to be the bigger person or the kinder person or the person who cares more. It’s not a crime to embrace who you are.

Sometimes I feel like it’s going to be my saving grace. I feel like it’s going to bring me closer to the right people. I feel like it’s going to set me apart from everyone when it comes to the things that are meant for me.

I don’t want to change myself just because someone disagrees or someone thinks I’d be more attractive if I cared a little less. I want to fight for who I am until the day I die. I want to fight for my heart. My beliefs. My feelings. My passion. My ideas. My words. My habits. My faith.

I don’t want to change myself right now. I want to fall in love with it the way I want someone to fall in love with me. I want to hold each part of it so tightly and never let go the way I want to be held. I want to be, for myself, everything people can’t be for me.