How Emotional Pain Can Lead You To The Capital-T Truth


An “-ism” is essentially a system of belief and we often identify with an –ism, for example, a religious or political set of beliefs and any community(ies) that support this set of beliefs. In my experience, they can also be the source of a lot of emotional pain.

Here’s why: if something is causing you emotional pain, it’s quite possibly because you believe something that isn’t true with a capital T. Another way of saying it is, you’ve attached your identity to a temporary truth or a false belief. Truth with a capital T is eternal, infinite and whole. No pain is there. At all. Now as eternal Divine Sparks embodied as humans, we may experience all sorts of pain. It’s part of the human learning experience. That’s because pain can be an excellent teacher. Pain in the body is a great way to learn that something’s gone wrong and needs attention. So too, it can be with emotional pain.

Let me give some examples. I experienced mega-pain during my whistle-blowing saga—for the first year and a half anyway. All the betrayals of ideals by my spiritual community and all the retaliations and betrayals against my family and me had me in a dizzying downward spiral of grief and emotional pain. I won’t go into the details here but as I wrote in My Karma Ran Over My Dogma, “my traumometer was tipped way past full.”

However, the intense pain woke me up to my Truest Self by motivating me to figure out What The Heck Was Going On. And on that particular day in December of 2002, when I did wake up to my Truest Self, the pain disappeared. In an instant. The grieving just plain stopped. Every onc​e in while since then, when I’m shifting and expanding my energy and it requires me to do some more clearing, I’ve discovered small pieces of residual grief from various incidents throughout my life. And every time I’ve looked at the pain energetically, I see that the pain is there because I’ve attached to some temporary identity. I’ve believed something that’s not really, really TRUE.

This is especially helpful when dealing with clearing systemic or “-ism” energy. Given our country’s recent election results, there have been a lot of people in mega-pain over the sense of loss of our country’s ideals, betrayals by certain leaders, and other systemic griefs. I processed my own stuff around what happened and then after that noticed there was still some pain in the outermost periphery of my energy. When I tuned into it, I noticed that it wasn’t mine. It was the collective pain of the country.

Now how was this pain I was holding onto on the outer edges connected to something that wasn’t True? Because at the core, my Truest Self isn’t American. Nobody’s is. When my consciousness leaves my body, I’m not American. I’m not female. I’m not white. I’m not even human. I’m divine consciousness awakening back into Itself and Its Truth. And so is everyone.

So when I realized that I was holding a bit of the collective grief of our country, I also realized it was because I had another bit of me that was identifying as American. It’s true temporarily, but it’s not really real with a capital R. It’s just a temporary condition and not my True Self. And so I released that belief. “I as my True Self am not American.” Immediately, I felt the pain and grief at the edges of my energy fields dissipate completely.

You can do the same for any system you identify with if you desire. We are all connected with multiple systems of belief, and many isms: Our families of origin, our sex, our gender identities, our schools, our work systems, our spiritual belief systems, and we tie our personal religious, social, and political identities to them. You can release your identifying with any and all of them, as you like, “I release my identity with being a McDowell” “I release my identity with being human” for example, always while also affirming the really big picture, that your True Self is Eternal, Love, Light, Joy, Consciousness, etc.

This doesn’t mean that we leave our lives or ignore what is in front of us. We remain fully engaged, here and now, embracing our soul lessons in embodied form, individually and collectively. It just means that we don’t attach anything permanent (identity, worth, safety, love, joy) to something temporary and not Eternally True.

When I woke up to my True Self many years ago, I realized that all the pain from all the betrayals and false beliefs I identified with had been a wonderful teacher. By releasing all of my previous identities in such a big way all at once, the pain left in just as big a way all at once as well. That’s why my grieving just stopped. Now if I experience winces of pain here and there, I welcome it because I know it will teach me to let go even more of what isn’t True, setting me even freer of pain, and inviting in the Big Joy.

Here’s my process:

1) Find an emotional pain bobbing around in your awareness.
2) Look at it and ask it questions: Why are you here? What are you about?
3) See if you can pinpoint where the attachment is to something temporary and not True. Are you identifying with Family? Community? Country? Political party? Religion? Or are you holding onto a belief from family, community, country, religion, etc. that isn’t True?
4) Release this identity and/or belief if you are ready and affirm the Truth. “I am not X. I am an Eternally Divine Spark of Consciousness. Ultimately, no harm can come to me.”

Repeat this process as necessary or as pain enters into your awareness.

As I’ve released more of my false, temporary identities, I have become more fully embodied, centered and grounded, and engaged. I am thus able to keep my balance more easily (or right it more quickly) when individual or collective storms arise, no matter how big or menacing they seem. I know the Truth. And the Truth sets you free.