How I Learned To Save Myself


My first memory of needing help was when I was about 4 years old. I was walking, tiptoeing around the edge of a swimming pool at a resort on holidays. I fell in, and although I had grown up around water and was a strong enough swimmer, this was the deep end of a pool I didn’t know. I panicked and the next thing I knew my dad was in the water next to me, pulling me up and I was okay.

I never want to be that weak again.

I never want to be drowning in a situation because I have never experienced it before. Even now, almost 15 years later. I still think of that moment and it makes me want to improve myself. It drives me to make myself stronger, more independent, in control. I never want to panic like that again. To feel that helpless again. Life is far too short to drown in half a metre of water. All the small problems, the obstacles we gave every day. They aren’t obstacles, they aren’t barriers.

They are only what we build them up to be, they only control our lives if we let them.

They are only as big as we allow them to get. There is absolutely nothing standing in the way of you and what you want. And if there is, it is a test, a sink or swim moment. In which, you grab yourself, you hold your hand and you hurl on forward. Bashing your way through the waves.

Being strong, it isn’t this misconceived idea we all have about never crying. Never losing yourself. Being in control isn’t never stepping out of line or never losing sight of your way.

We all dwell, we all fall to pieces every now and again and most of all, we all do need help. Being strong is not someone who never admits they need help.

What we don’t need, is someone to save us. Only you can save you.

Only you can bring yourself up from the bottom because you are the only one down there with you. So being strong isn’t what you would typically think. Cry, if you need to, cry about him or her, fall to pieces because of your job, your future, your family and friends. But pick yourself up and most of all don’t hide.

Don’t hide from pain, that is the misconception of strength. Those who are brave enough to admit that they feel, are the ones strong enough to live life to the fullest. They are the ones who will be there at the end of they day, their makeup ruined, their hair messy and their feet tired but their eyes shining. Because they know, they know that no matter what life throws their way — all the ups and downs, they will fight and they will never stop fighting.

They will never settle for mediocre because it is easier. They will never not admit they’re broken in fear of sounding weak as they know admiring your flaws means they can no longer be held against you. There is no weakness in showing your true self. In needing help but knowing at the end of the day, only you will save you. Because that’s how strong you are. That’s how strong you can be. Whoever you want to be, you can be it.

I knew, in that moment, in that pool, I knew I could help myself if I wanted. But I didn’t and I had to be saved. And i know now that I never want to saved again. I’m okay. I’ve got me. I’ll save me thank you very much.