I Am Worthy Of More Than You Could Ever Give Me

Do you know what it’s like to have your heartbroken?

To love someone with your whole heart and for that person to continuously chose to hurt you?

To be lied to?

To be manipulated?

To be guilt-tripped?

To be belittled?

To never be good enough?

To never be someone’s priority?

To sacrifice so much for someone who didn’t sacrifice once for you?

Do you know what it’s like to hate someone so much, but not hate them at all?

I do. And it’s all because of you.

I hate you for what you did to me.

I hate you for being able to watch me fall apart and keep walking.

I hate you for never missing me.

I hate you for never saying sorry.

I hate you for never giving me closure.

I hate you for having the immaturity of a 5-year-old.

And more than anything, I hate you for never thinking about anyone other than yourself.

But what is crazy is I don’t hate you at all.

I actually wish you the fucking best.

I wish you the best love you can find—a love you get lost in.

I know you know what you did to me.

I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner.

I’m sorry I put myself through two years of misery trying to better understand how I was never worthy to you…trying to better understand why you did what you did to me.

I’m sorry I believed in you. Believed in you enough to give you eight too many chances.

But, I’m not sorry I dated you.

Because here is the thing: You taught me more than you hurt me.

You taught me I deserve so much better.

You taught me I am strong even when I feel weak.

You taught me my world could feel it is crumbling underneath me, when in reality it’s the beginning of a transformative rebuilding.

You taught me I am self-aware. And you taught me that that’s scary to some people. You taught me I need to be with someone who not only embraces that, but also embodies it himself.

You taught me how easy it is to love.

You taught me how love can be blind.

But more importantly, you taught me you can once be broken but come out so much stronger.

I know you’ll never believe I am so out of love with you. You are too much of a coward for that.

But if there is one thing you need to know now: know that I am worthy of a love so much more than you ever gave me.

Because of you, I now know that.