I Hope You Feel My Absence Too

Days feel so different now without you. It’s like a light rain, but hits like a tsunami. In every subtle change, my mind replaces it with memories of you.

There are days it piles up and threatens to explode. On those days, I scream. I scream into the void; I scream just to hear something fill the silence. All I can feel since you is silence.

Then I begin to wonder, Do you feel it too? Do you feel my absence in your moments of weakness? Is there a part of you that also wonders where all our wasted love went to die?

When you feel it, I hope you remember how beautifully it all started. The night it began, the first time we really looked at each other, felt like magic. Like every moment of our life, the universe was leading us here. And in that moment, strangers were soulmates and everything was right.

Somehow, we are back to strangers. After a whirlwind of love, passion, hatred, innocence, and chaos, when the dust settles at the end of the day, we were just two young hearts learning their lesson about heartbreak. There was no peace at the end of us, just pain. Overwhelming, suffocating pain.

Sometimes love isn’t meant to last. Sometimes there’s nothing salvageable at the end. Sometimes letting go is better than holding on to nothing.

The emptiness of losing something so strong is overwhelming. The absence Is deafening. But I hope you feel it too. I hope waking up without me there to hold knocks the wind out of you every morning. I hope you see me everywhere you go, everywhere we went together. I hope someone brings me up and you go numb. I hope you scream at God to hear my voice again and feel your bones break when there is no response. I hope you’re constantly reminded of everything I did to save us, and dear God, I hope it hurts you as much as it hurts me.