I Need To Remember You So I Can Survive

Be still and beautiful like a house that stands tall on a mountaintop,

be still like a place where lovers say their final goodbyes without shedding any tears, memories of their lives fade away at once when they’re both gone,

be still like the water of the lake in which they both swum from shore to shore,

be silent like their home in the countryside, that once rung with the laughter of two hearts that used to beat for the other,

be still, my dear, so I can remember you in the silence, when I’m alone in the future, lying on the grass looking up at the night sky, and I’ll remember you in the silence,

be still and quiet, I’m trying to memorise you when you don’t say anything, so after we part one day in that place where lovers part, I won’t chase after your voice, trying to feel something that no longer exists,

living with your memories won’t be enough for me, I know all that in my heart, and no amount of reassurances from you can calm my heart,

be still and silent now, like the part of the city where we lived when we were in our twenties, we locked our doors and sat in the balcony, watching the city go to sleep as the rooms were darkened one by one, we never talked, not once, fell asleep just like that,

so comforting those days were, but never enough,

what do we need to feel complete?

Longing, you said, and you left, and I long for you, but sometimes I forget to think of you, and then when I do, my whole body shakes and shivers at once, it’s like I’m under a spell, or maybe a curse,

I feel like I need to think of you so I can survive, what we needed wasn’t longing but tears of joy, we miscalculated, we were too proud, we were too small to challenge the humongous pride of love that rules the universe,

but even now, when I’m in the balcony, and the rooms start darkening and the silence falls over the block, I never feel like I’m alone. Your love’s memories gives me strength to live on, and it’s enough.