I Really Want You To Know Why I Am The Way I Am


The world is always falling apart. They say the United States is in crisis. They say we’re in an “American Autumn.” The logic necessitates good news. Summer must be coming.

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So much truth. Fuck it. The truth is inside you and you alone.

A female porn star enters the home of a man. They do meth and read the Bible. They’re really into it. She has a conversation and quits drugs and the porn industry.

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Cherry blossoms fall, and for a twinkle there, I have the will to live. But then Gomorrah calls.

Venice, Italy is the perfect place to kill yourself… There is just space inside my body. So much water.  Suicide by dehydration would be admirable. You’d really have to hate life to endure that.


You say I destroyed you before we even met. Kiss me one more time before you turn twenty.

Stop crying.

I really want to know why you feel the way you feel.

I really want you to know why I am the way I am.

I need you to forgive me and see the reason I hurt you was because I’m hurting and flawed. Everyone is just hurting.

Stop crying.

There is something so disingenuous about everything and everyone. I’m the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It’s awful.

“Some people underestimate how erotic it is to be understood.” — Mary Rakow

…And something so honestly honest, yet, impenetrably penetrable…

Prom, promenade: It’s so good, the way you feel that first time… The first time. It’s all about the first time.

Cut my wrists and black my eyes.  So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.

Strange that the human mouth can’t regrow teeth. Bad design.

Humans are vagabonds between life’s banality and death’s mystery.

The phrase “rude awaking” is interesting, as in “you’re in for a rude awaking.”

Your breakdown is a breakthrough.

…From Colorado with love: Summer 2014.

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