I Used To Be Scared Of Loving You, But I’m Not Anymore

By

I’m not scared.

It’s 11 PM on a Sunday night, I’m sitting on my bed like I normally would if I was talking to you. But instead I’m up thinking about everything that has gone both “right” and arguably “wrong” in my life.

I used to be scared of commitment. I used to constantly worry if I was doing the right thing. The thought of opening myself up for someone was a concept I could not grasp.

Though now, I feel at peace. I understand commitment and what it takes to make it through with someone. I don’t worry about doing the right thing because I know it’s in my nature to always do what I believe is right; based upon my gut feeling and the morals my mother raised me with. Opening myself up is now something I can and want to do because I finally understand who I am.

I used to be scared of loving someone. I had the misconception of what love was for the longest time. It doesn’t come easy and it requires a lot of work. One of my favorite sayings is “is the juice worth the squeeze?” That saying comes from the movie “The Girl Next Door” in-case you were curious.

It’s kind of a cheesy saying I know, but if you think about it, it can be applied in almost every situation you come across in life. I think it helped me evaluate and learn where my strongest efforts are needed. To not sweat the small stuff and rather look at things with a different perspective in mind: the bigger picture. To ask myself, is the end result worth the effort.

Though now, that saying is ingrained within me and I rarely have to remind myself of it; It crossed my mind today.

I used to be scared of timing. I have always feared that I’d meet the right person at the wrong time. But now I realize that there is no right or wrong time. Everyone who comes into your life is there for a reason. They are there at that exact moment for a purpose.

It’s kind of funny how this all has worked out. If I hadn’t posted that video (which I almost didn’t) you most likely wouldn’t be in my life.

Thought now, I don’t see it as a flaw anymore.

I am not scared to commit to you.

I am not scared to love you.

I am not scared of the time that you’ve come into my life.

I am not scared of giving everything I have to you.