I Wouldn’t Have Had This Much Strength If You Didn’t Let Me Go

I wouldn’t be as resilient to some of the most painful moments I experienced after you. I wouldn’t have known how to persevere when the going got tough. I wouldn’t have turned my pain into power.

I became the best possible version of myself because my heart and soul were broken. I owed it to myself to experience what it meant to be truly happy for the first time. I didn’t know who I was without you. I had to learn that I was stronger than I thought. I learned I was kind. I learned I cared about other people other than you. I learned that I wanted to make a difference in the world.

I am a whole different person because you broke my heart and my spirit. I read quotes and poetry religiously, I workout three to four times a week now, I give change to the homeless when I get the chance, I can write now and I actually like it, I go to church and actually listen to what’s being said, I care now, more than you’ll ever know. I was a horrible person with you. You didn’t bring out the best in me; you encouraged the worst out of me.

I survived four years without you. Four years full of self love, solitude, lots of literature, and small little moments when I truly appreciated who I was. I found myself not needing you anymore. Not needing anyone to tell me I was beautiful when I already knew, I didn’t need to be supported in my endeavors because I did that myself, I was not embarrassed walking into a restaurant and eating alone because I learned how to enjoy the things that made me happy on my own and be at peace with it. I have traveled to so many places, experienced so many great memories, and done so many amazing things, without you.

I can still remember the year I spent crying in my room, not being in contact with any of my friends or even try to move on because the heartache was the only thing I could focus on, and the constant outbursts my family had to deal with because of my sudden mood changes. There came a point after that year was over when I became fed up. I got fed up with crying every day, hurting people that didn’t deserve it, and just being so sad all the time.

So I decided to be better. I decided to work out more and lose some weight, to read more content that empowered me like poetry, watch videos on random acts of kindness people would be doing just because it was the right thing to do and be inspired by it, I decided to change my attitude on a society I used to loathe and finally give them a chance. I opened my heart to everything I thought broke it when instead healed it. I healed myself without you.

I believed in myself with you. I love myself without you.