If You Want Someone Spontaneous, You Shouldn’t Date Me

I consider myself adventurous, but I’m not even close to spontaneous. I will go hiking with you. Road tripping. Skydiving. Bungee jumping. White water rafting. I’m up for absolutely anything — as long as you give me plenty of time to prepare.

I’m a planner. An overthinker. A worrier. I need to set plans in advance so I can get ready for them, both mentally and physically. I’m not the type of person who is going to agree to a random drive at two in the morning without any warning ahead of time. I’m not going to be in the mood. I’m not going to enjoy myself.

Changing plans at the last second freaks me out. Even something as small as finding out extra people are going to be joining us when I expected just the two of us will throw me off. I don’t like surprises. I don’t like unexpected guests or unplanned activities. I like to know what I’m getting myself into as early as possible.

If you want someone spontaneous, you shouldn’t date me. If you text me at the last second, inviting me out, you’re not going to get a yes from me. You need to let me know early on in the day, or even better, early on in the week.

Honestly, I will be up for pretty much anything. I will be willing to do whatever you want. As long as you ask me about it early enough. I’ll stay out until two in the morning if you give me a head’s up ahead of time — but if you don’t, then I’m going to be in my pajamas by the time you text me to meet you. I’m going to be ready to stay in for the night. I’m not going to want to change my plans because it will require a shift in my thinking, in my attitude.

I understand some people like to live in the moment and make plans on the fly, but for me, asking me to hang out at the last second makes me feel like you don’t respect my time or my sanity. It makes me feel like you don’t know me at all, because if you did, then you would try to make me feel comfortable. You would try to meet me in the middle. You would try to set plans at least a little earlier than you usually would.

If you want someone spontaneous, someone who is going to drop everything to hang out with you the second you text, then I’m not the right person for you.

If you want someone who will get excited about attending a party at the last minute, in the middle of the night, then you’re not the right person for me.

If you want someone who is going to book plane tickets across the country on a whim, without packing bags or coming up with an itinerary, then I’m not the right person for you.

If you want someone who is ready to leave the house at a moment’s notice, without prepping and planning, then I’m not the right person for you. And you’re definitely not the right person for me.