I’m Done Pretending That I Want To Be Single

I’m done pretending that I want to be alone. I’m done pretending that I would rather waking-up on my bed than next to the person I love. I’m done pretending that I don’t want to share my life, that I don’t want to be accepted for my imperfections, that I don’t want to be loved for who I am. I’m done pretending that I want light love because tough love is all I know. I’m done pretending that getting less than what I deserve doesn’t break my heart, that it doesn’t make me unhappy. I’m done pretending that I would rather be lonely than with someone because I’m terrified of commitment, abandonment and loss.

I’m done pretending that I want to be friends. I’m done pretending that I’m okay with being someone’s almost instead of their forever. I’m done pretending that I don’t want to hold hands in public, that I don’t want to be kissed in front of my friends, and that I don’t want to be so in-love around my family. I’m done pretending that I’m okay with unanswered phone calls, vague answers and confusing signs. I’m done pretending that I’m okay with hanging out instead of going on dates. I’m done pretending that being at family gatherings, friends’ graduations, birthdays, accomplishments and holidays isn’t a privilege.

I’m done pretending that love doesn’t last. I’m done pretending that real love doesn’t exist anymore. I’m done pretending that love is a need not a choice.

I’m done pretending that love isn’t a priority of mine. I’m done pretending that I don’t want love in my life right now. I’m done pretending that I’m not looking for the right person. I’m done pretending that the kind of love I badly want is not out there waiting for me to find it. I’m done pretending that I don’t talk about love occasionally, that it doesn’t occupy my mind most of the time. I’m done pretending that I don’t dream about building a home with someone, that I don’t want to start a family one day.

I’m done pretending that I want to be single because deep down, I want more.

I’m done pretending that I want to be single because I want to be honest about the things I need moving forward. I’m done pretending that I want to be single because for the first time ever, I am ready for a relationship where I get to explore the world with someone, where I get to see the beauty of life from someone else’s eyes. I’m done pretending that I want to be single because I finally understand that it’s okay to let someone treat me right, take care of me, be there for me, and to love me back.