All the Video Game Consoles I’ve Ever Owned in Chronological Order, Pt. 4 of 4

Xbox 360

Some people attend high school while carrying ‘Sailor Moon’ manga around on prominent-enough display to attract vague bovine giggling from girls whose lives would 5-10 years later culminate in ‘squeeze out lots of babies, do some vague humanitarian work’. Some people attend high school while listening to ‘counterculture’ music in earphones on the school bus/not talking to anyone. Some people attend high school while drawing pictures of Final Fantasy VII. Those people are likely to ascribe to the sentiment ‘jocks suck’ or ‘Halo sucks’ forever. They are likely to spend a lot of time ‘raging’ [in a fashion referring to ‘nerds trying to sound snarky on a keyboard’, not people ‘drinking + partying to an extreme extent’]. They are likely to ‘cry on a forum’ on a regular basis, probably typing things like ‘this review score is bullshit’ or ‘this consumer gaming blog is stupid’ or ‘this game journalist should die’ or ‘this single screenshot from an upcoming sequel unequivocally proves to me that the sequel will not achieve fidelity to its predecessor’.

Then other people have a shitty time in high school but grow up to be relatively normal, ‘well-adjusted’, would like a console that reflects a modern sensibility + allows them to play online with friends and pseudo ‘socially-networked’ friends, and so instead of being frothing repellent people who insist that the only way to be ‘authentic’ is to own a Japanese console or to play only ancient PC games or to collect cartridges for no relevant reason, they just buy an Xbox 360 and they play a variety of excellent video games on it and it’s not a big deal.

Unfortunately there are a lot of ‘frothing repellent people’ using Xbox 360 consoles as well, leading to ‘logging on’ to one’s Xbox Live account and trying to play some kind of game involving running around a brown landscape to shoot strangers and having to listen to some disempowered individual say things like ‘pwned’ and ‘n00b’. Those individuals will cause their ‘character’/’avatar’ whatever to crouch down on the face of a downed opponent in a fashion that according to those individuals is somehow indicative of ‘traditional masculinity/victory’ and not homosexuality, since homosexuality, according to those individuals, is the worst trait one can have while playing Xbox 360. ‘Being a girl’ is the second-worst trait one can have while playing Xbox 360 online with ‘friends’.

You can watch Netflix most easily on Xbox 360 consoles. Pretty sweet.