Mischa Barton


Mischa Barton never Gchats me anymore.

A few months ago a friend and I had the idea of writing her a love letter. We thought it had to be “special” so we went to the fabric/craft store at the mall and bought shiny gold paper to write it on. I think I drew a picture on the bottom but my memory might be confused with the love letters we wrote to James Van Der Beek, Talon from Laguna Beach, and the girl from Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century.

We also wrote a screenplay outline with these characters.

The screenplay was entitled, Zenon: Girl of the 18th Century.

Zenon had to travel back in time to help George Washington (who actually wasn’t that great of a general) win the war against the British so democracy could live on into the 21 century space age.

Zenon travelled back in time with her boyfriend, Ben.

George Washington was played by James Van Der Beek, the girl from Zenon played Zenon, Talon from Laguna Beach played Ben, and Mischa Barton played Betsy Ross.

We played around with the plot for awhile but this is basically what we settled on.

Zenon would essentially win the war for the Americans but in the climax it would be revealed that her boyfriend Ben is actually Benedict Arnold. In some way (we never came up with the details) Zenon would have to sacrifice herself to kill Ben before he could kill George Washington. This would be hard for her because she loved Ben. I’m not sure if Ben loved her back.

Zenon would succeed and after she and Ben died the war was finally won. Against George Washington’s wishes, the Founding Fathers would come to the difficult decision that it would be better for America if it wasn’t publicly known someone had time travelled from the future to help America win the war. When the “history” was being written no mention of Zenon would be made. George Washington felt terrible about this so he went to Betsy Ross and had her sew Zenon’s “symbol” into the American flag. This is why there will always be stars on the American flag.

The stars on the American flag are for Zenon.

I don’t know what the stripes are for. Maybe to commemorate candy canes. I think George Washington killed a bunch of people on Christmas morning while resting a candy cane in his mouth. I’m probably wrong.

I actually never sent the love letters.

The love letters are still sitting on a desk somewhere.

Maybe Mischa Barton would Gchat me if I tried harder.

Maybe Mischa Barton would Gchat me if I had actually written a screenplay instead of an outline and actually sent her a love letter instead of never getting around to finding an envelope and a stamp and an address to send it to.

I feel like I’d have the motivation if I knew she would read the love letter just as I would write everyday on Tumblr if I had followers or I would take Twitter really seriously if I thought someone was actually going to retweet or I would work harder on songs if I knew people wanted to hear them or I would make my novel better if I thought people still read novels or I would try harder to be funny and compelling on my radio show if anyone still listened to the radio or I would do something like learn to jump higher and be taller if I was being paid to play basketball.

I don’t know.

Maybe someday she’ll Gchat me again.

But I don’t know, that’s up to her.

All I can do is try and become as worthy of being talked to as possible.

All I can do is keep running around until someone sees me and decides I’m going pretty fast and then maybe I can finally get recruited to the NBA.

I’d like to play for the Chicago Bulls, but I’d probably be OK with any NBA team that would have me.

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