My Phone Is Ruining TV

My phone is drastically hindering my ability to retain information while watching television. Let me start by saying I love television. Actually, that’s not starting, because I had already written a sentence prior to saying, “let me start,” but I digress. I watch a ton of shows that I genuinely love, but for some reason I don’t pay attention like I should, because I’m robotically on my phone writing a joke about coyotes, or some dumb shit like that. I think this is a real disease, but WebMD will just say I have ball AIDS, or some rare chicken virus. Am I alone in this struggle?

As a society, we default to phone fiddling when we’re in a stagnant place. Honestly, we default to phone fiddling in general. This can be proven by a.) You’re on your phone right fucking now reading this; b.) You randomly pick up your phone without a reason, so you just check your email so you don’t feel like an asshole. I’m tired of it ruining my watching experience and love life for that matter, but that’s a whole other thing.

How am I supposed to come up with super smart theories about what’s going to happen on Game of Thrones if I’m just glancing up every so often in between liking arbitrary Facebook posts and putting heart emojis on girls’ selfies? I’ve gone through seasons of shows without learning all of the characters’ names. I’ll refer to them as, “you know, the dude,” or “that bird lookin’ lady.” This is an insult to the show, and anyone who worked on it. This is just as bad as the people that go to sporting events, and don’t look at the field once.

This may seem stupid, and completely unimportant, but it honestly represents a rapidly growing disconnect between people and actual life. Maybe there should be a usage timer for adults, like the ones on children’s devices to prompt them to go outside and play. I love my phone, but not at the detriment of the very few pleasures I have (Television and snacks).

I want to take in the beauty that is Jon Taffer berating an insubordinate barkeep, or understand Carcosa, so that maybe one day I can become a Yellow King. I’m taking a vow to put my phone down during my shows. No longer will it bind me. I’m free, I say. FREE! I challenge you to do the same. That is unless you don’t have this problem, and I’m the only idiot. I’m going to go now and watch Walking Dead with that traitor from Love Actually, and that creepy kid in the hat (I don’t know their names). *Picks phone up*