No One Has Life Figured Out, But That Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Find Happiness


I don’t remember exactly when, but at some point, I realized that no one ever has their shit together.

It was quite astonishing, really. There were the waiters at my part-time job in college that seemed to be in their 50s and 60s. People known as “adults,” the form of humans that are supposed to have it all figured out. Yet here they were, in the same break room as me, complaining about woes I thought people their age would never have to worry about. You know, things like how they would pay for their car or (since I lived in LA) when they would finally get their big acting break.

But I quickly got over that. Okay, adults don’t have it together. I can come to terms with that. 

Then there were the confident women in my life: the friends I had from high school that were killing it in their respective carers, the women that I’d meet and instantly admire, the people I emulated that seemed to “have it all.”

But once I became an advice columnist for mental health and I became known as the girl that wasn’t afraid to talk about feelings, I started to see the real picture.

These women started reaching out to me; they’d confide in me the same worries and insecurities that I myself felt. I was shocked. I mean, they were people I’d consider successful. I just assumed they didn’t worry about boys or their self-image or had a rough past with their families.

But I was oh-so wrong.

Everyone worries. Everyone lacks confidence. Everyone struggles.

We all just do it silently.

There’s no point in life where the chaotic rollercoaster we’ve been riding finally comes to a smooth glide. There’s no point in which we suddenly feel totally, blissfully happy about everything and there is no care in the world!

That just simply doesn’t happen.

Life is messy and will always throw obstacles at you. You’re not doing yourself any good by chasing this magical future in which you think holds better, worry-free days.

But there is a bit of hope. Because though these obstacles are inevitable, though I can guarantee you’ll be knocked on your ass, though you will be working through some of your issues for a long time, how you handle these will determine your happiness.

How you handle the lows in life is what truly determines a genuinely happy person from someone who is continuously unhappy or feeling knocked around. Because if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s this: Obstacles are inevitable; suffering is optional.

You don’t have to be completely torn down by the hard times you go through. You don’t have to always feel out of control. Nothing bad is ever permanent. You’ll get through things, just like you did in the past.

Your mindset during your hard times will be key.

Because life may be chaotically messy, but it’s also beautifully opulent. Yes, there are the lows that will come, but the highs will be well worth them, even more so if you’re able to handle yourself, both physically and mentally, in the face of adversity.

So stop believing some people have it all figured out—we’re all just wandering aimlessly together.