On Beginnings (On Endings)

I feel as if my life has been filled (or plagued) with beginnings and inevitable endings. In a few weeks or so I will be celebrating a new birthday. Some might say it will be a new beginning; a fresh new start and a blank new page of my existence. Maybe it will turn out to be a better chapter than the ones I’ve been through before. Or, maybe it won’t. Either way, the thought of beginning again is frightening. But, as scared as I am of it, it doesn’t mean that I am not dreaming of its potential; to have another go and discover my unwritten truth.

We are all blessed with beginnings and faced with endings. We just need to remember that, just as we cannot help ourselves when offered a piece of dark chocolate with a tempting raspberry filling, it is the in-between that matters most; because, most of the time, the beginnings and the endings become blurry and are eventually forgotten. It is the sweetness of the in-between that comforts our aching souls and broken hearts.

I have never been good with goodbyes. They have always brought tears to my eyes; they have made my lips tremble with despair; they have always made me want to scream in disbelief. And so, I have always avoided saying goodbye. I ran away and hid myself from ever having to face such a fateful moment. I turned away and chose to stay. But the past is never a welcoming place to stay. Its door may be always open but the sun never shines through.

I don’t like endings and goodbyes. They can only mean one thing and that is that the irreversible passing of time is true; that we are all swimming in the cold water of the unstoppable river that is life. So, as we are swirling out of control towards the ending of another year, let’s make sure that the in-between is not forgotten. As frightening as it is, the ending will be beautiful. Because it will mean that we would have survived one more stage of our lives. Maybe it was an easy one, a blessed one, or a challenging and unbearable one. But, here we are again. We survived again. We are here despite everything; despite all of our worries and the negative scenarios that played over and over again through our minds; despite all of the escape plans and the failure that came with. Despite it all, we entered a new beginning, we did our best in the in-between, and in the ending we survived.

So, release your fears and roll your dice because as much as the choice is ours now, who can say how much longer it will linger between our fingers? Most of the time, when we are too afraid to take another step into the unknown, life intervenes and takes it for us. But, you’ve felt this happen before, haven’t you?