Shatter My iPhone X And 45 Other Things I’d Rather Do Than Listen To Your Bullshit

By

1.  Drop and shatter my brand new iPhone X.

2. Drink a gallon of dirty aquarium water.

3. Eat a bowl of Vaseline. Or cinnamon.

4.  Wash my hair with bleach, baking soda, and vinegar.

5. Take a bath in sewer water.

6. Never drink alcohol again.

7. Brush my teeth with molasses.

8. Use eye drops made of 91% isopropyl alcohol.

9. Cover myself head to toe with Nair.

10. Be forced to awkwardly laugh in response to everything people say for the rest of my life.

11. Use sandpaper as toilet paper.

12. Cancel my subscription to Apple Music, Pandora, and Spotify,

13. Get naked and walk into a swarm of bees.

14. Jump into a pool filled with jellyfish.

15. Have dinner with Donald Trump.

16. Fight Conor McGregor without using my arms or legs.

17. Stand in the middle of an open field holding a metal pole, during a thunderstorm.

18.Get high on Flakka the morning of a court date.

19. Accept a home cooked dinner invitation from Hannibal Lecter.

20. Buy a Ferrari, then take a Louisville slugger to it.

21. Become roommates with a serial killer.

22. Marry a serial killer.

23. Sleep with my eyes glued open.

24. Wake up during surgery.

25. Lose my phone, phone charger, keys, wallet, remote control, and every debit/credit card I own.

26. Live in a tree for the rest of my life.

27. Become a professional bull rider.

28. Live without electricity.

29. Wear stilettos every day until I die.

30. Put needles in my eyeballs.

31. Be trapped in an elevator with a pregnant woman in labor.

32. Wake up with amnesia.

33. Never use the internet again.

34. Never watch TV again.

35.  Tattoo a penis on my forehead.

36. Walk barefoot across 5,000 crabs.

37. Lick 23 public telephones.

38. Be covered in leeches.

39. Live without music.

40.  Slam my fingers in a car door.

41. Get my hand stuck in a jar.

42. Have a never-ending case of the hiccups.

43. Paint my entire house using my elbows.

44. Never leave work. Literally on the clock 24/7.

45. Turn into a snail that never dies.

46. Use a strangers toothbrush.

So, yeah, it’s pretty much never gonna happen. Don’t trip.