Stop Looking For The “Right” Person, Because They Don’t Exist


If I had a dollar for each time my heart raced like crazy because of a guy, be it that cute barista or the guy with whom I have a flirtashionship, I’d probably own a couple hundred pairs of Louboutins right now. Each and every time I click with someone, I immediately assume they are “the right one” everybody is talking about. They never are.

It makes me furious when people talk about meeting the right person or about how I need to keep looking for The One because they’re bound to show up sooner or later. This sets up some pretty crazy expectations, so you turn every stone and go on all the dates you can, hoping, waiting, dreaming that The One will pop out of thin air. That right person you made up in your head. That person who will bring you flowers and then drive you to a Nas concert. That person does not exist in the real world. The right person is not an actual thing that happens to actual people in real life.

These false expectations and standards I’ve created for myself have lead to heartache and disappointment and then some more heartache. This is the reason I’ve never had any real relationships. Not even one. Because it never really felt right like one is lead to believe “right” should feel.

I’ll let you in on a secret; there is no right person for you. There are no soul mates. These are just sugarcoated lies writers use to mess up with your brain. There are however all shades and textures of wrong. And sometimes, wrong feels really good. You need to stop looking for Prince Charming and go find some wrong that suits you, some wrong that makes you laugh at their jokes and that you can’t help but love even when they forget about your anniversary.

Find the perfect kind of wrong, because the “right” person is most likely boring and way too nice to people. They probably never sleep in or leave dishes in the sink. I don’t want that. I’m going to die anyway, I have no desire to live a boring existence. 

So yes, there is something wrong with you. There’s something wrong with all of us.

You see, as we keep on looking for the Right Person (even though they don’t exist), we leave pieces of our souls with each and every one of them — only to wind up scared, or tired or just giving up completely. And that’s okay, because souls have the great ability to regenerate. Stop looking for the right person. Start doing things you love. Dye your hair, get a tattoo, write a book, craft something, and be happy! And one of these days, some wrong person will crash into your existence with their deadly smile and passion for comic books. And it won’t feel right at all. And you will be forced to reshuffle every piece of the universe you built around false expectations. You will love every second of it.

featured image – Bhumika Bhatia