The 10 Stages Of Joining An Adult Intramural Sports Team

1. The Email

This is when co-captains Emily and Ryan send an email to about 10-15 people, wondering if anyone would be “down” for a co-ed summer softball league. While it may not seem the case to the naked eye, this email was actually labored over for hours. In fact, Ryan spent the entire morning at the job he somehow still has carefully working on the proper length and sentiment. Emily, the brains to Ryan’s charisma and charming enthusiasm, proceeded to make the proper and necessary edits.

2. The Roster/Facebook Stalk

This is when the roster is confirmed and Emily sends an email to everyone who decided to pay the $100 fee to play softball with their third roommate’s borrowed baseball glove.

This, in many aspects, is the most important part — the confirmed email addresses enable each player to thoroughly stalk one another, which is crucial, given that 70% of the team only signed up to try and meet someone.

3. The First Game

It’s almost perfect attendance. (the one person you’re attracted to isn’t there). Emily and Ryan give a funny speech that nobody ultimately pays attention to. Your team is dreadful, but somehow the other team is equally as dreadful.

4. Montage Time

If your softball team were a movie, this is where a montage featuring Joan Jett’s ‘Bad Reptuation‘ would play. The montage would feature silly errors, the formulation of an elaborate team handshake, and Ryan sillily dancing in the dugout.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeYn_W14zTU&w=960&h=720]

Other montage song candidates: Hey Ya!, Here It Goes Again, Timber (perfect for if your co-ed softball team is actually just a Mountain Dew commercial.)

5. New Girl Is On

This is the stage in the season (around the fourth or fifth game) in which you would play, but you just had a really long day at work, and new girl is on.

6. Rabbits Out Of The Billabong Hat

This is the stage when, after a decent chunk of the team stops showing up to games, Ryan and Emily begin to accrue the most random assortment of individuals — that new guy at Ryan’s job who graduated college 3 weeks ago, Emily’s high school friend whom she hasn’t talked to in at least five years, her friend’s friend, etc.

7. Social Hour

Emily proposes a post-game trip to the bar. Ryan is really the only one who’s interested (it’s a Wednesday, and the game’s about 25 minutes away from home), but out of some strange combination of obligation and pity, six people show up. Two drinks later, you can’t tell if this bar escapade is highly depressing, or if you’re the one with the socialization problem.

8. 4 Months, Gone

The final game. This is only really sad because it’s four months after that initial email, and all those things you said you were gonna do during that time (get a new job, really hammer out that business plan) didn’t even come close to happening.

9. The Relentless (But Charming) Emails

This is when whatever intramural organization you signed up for (and now has your email forever!) sends you constant emails that, while annoying on the surface, are charming, witty, and overall kind of pleasant. From where you’re standing, the email-sender on their end knows you probably don’t totally want these emails, and is doing his or her best to make what should be spam a surprisingly fun experience.

10. Emily and Ryan’s Wedding

The ultimate ruse! Hopefully, their everlasting love will be stronger than their softball team’s 4-11 record.