The Complicated Love You Once Knew Does Not Have To Be Your Fate


Sometimes love can spin into an unhealthy cycle.

Sometimes we decide to go back, even when a relationship is toxic or unhealthy or just not right. We get into the mindset that the way people show they truly love each other is by not being able to leave, even when we want to. That making the decision to go back to something that isn’t necessarily making us happy means that love must be able to overcome everything.

But love isn’t always enough, and most of us discover this the hard way.

We learn it through a series of makeups and breakups, through drawn out conversations and periods of stony silence. We learn it through leaving only to return, until realizing that the reasons we left were not magically fixed in our brief absence.

Sometimes you wake up and things are suddenly over, for good. There’s the feeling that this time is different in its finality: the harsh cut off of communication, the feeling that maybe you’ll never find love again.

But you will. You will find love again. And it doesn’t have to be the same kind of love that you let go of, the one you set free for a reason.

Love may very well still be there, in the past, left behind with the person you were once intertwined with, and it’s so difficult to reconcile loving someone with not wanting to be with them. It may take a long time to validate that idea, the fact that love is not synonymous with “right” or “meant to be.”

From as early as we’re able to grasp the idea of romantic love, we’re taught that a relationship is the ultimate goal. That you are meant to become completely lost in another person, that you need another half to complete you.

But we were not born as incomplete halves waiting to be conjoined to another. We are already whole on our own.

You need to realize this before you find your next love; that life does not need to be a constant chase of searching for your “soulmate.” Because there is so much life to live, so much more than chasing the idea of a person. There are so many other passions to follow, so many other things that will add to your wholeness.

It’s more than okay to want to be in love, but don’t repeat the mistake of letting it consume and define you.

When love finally finds you again, know that it does not have to be the same as your other loves. You do not need to repeat the mistakes of the past and love does not need to be the main focus of your livelihood for it to be fulfilling.

Yes, love is always complicated at certain points in any relationship, but it shouldn’t be overwhelmingly so. It shouldn’t be toxic and it shouldn’t be two people who find themselves unable to leave, even when they want to.

Love should always be wanted.

That’s not to say that it is always easy and that there are never any doubts, because of course it isn’t and of course there are. But love should never be a tug of war, one person pulling while the other tries to stand their ground, the forces shifting in intensity as time goes on.

Lovers should balance each other, always.

So don’t be afraid to let go. Don’t convince yourself to stay because you think you will never find another.

You can.
You will.
And when you do, you can make it different.