What Would It Be Like to Have a Rapper Roommate?
Dealing with a motivational problem can be exhausting if it becomes prolonged. Here is an example of someone who really needs a good kick in the butt:
In my Ways and Actions, there’s no precision
not to mention, haven’t left my house in 2 weeks
I’ve cooked, but haven’t cleaned, and the apartment probably reeks
But could care less about my personal hygiene
the problems that I facin’ got me stressin’ like a high beam.
(Burning Star f/ Black Eyed Peas)
Motivational problems can be aggravated by drug use, as is the case with Afroman:
I was gonna clean my room until I got high
I was gonna get up and find the broom but then I got high
My room is still messed up and I know why (why man?) yaheee
cause I got high because I got high because I got high.
If he’s not cleaning his room, perhaps he won’t be tidying up the living room anytime soon either. You should probably think about whether you want to answer the ad that says “420 friendly” and consider the possible ramifications. However, if someone shares your concern with cleanliness, then you might have a good match. Case in point, the RZA raps:
Hit the door, I ain’t taking this shit no more!
Spending all my cream on Gucci, Phillies and Coach
Before you moved to my lab, bitch, I ain’t never seen a roach
Stains on my carpet, bathroom’s more like a fish market.
It sounds like the RZA doesn’t appreciate roaches walking around his apartment. Neither do I. Sometimes just simply caring is enough to keep you grateful for your roommate. It seems that B-Real is likely to use a bong in your living room, but at least he’s careful about not spilling it on the carpet:
Pick it, pack it, fire it up, come aloooong
and take hits from the boooong
Put the blunt down just for a second
Don’t get me wrong it’s not a new method
Inhale, Exhale – just got a ounce in the mail
I like a blunt or a big fat coal
But my double barrel bong is gettin’ me stoned
I’m skill it, there’s water inside don’t spill it
It smells like shit on the carpet.
No one’s perfect, and sometimes your roommate will have habits that irk you. But if there is a compromise, and you can respect each others’ use of the space, then things just might work out. If you respect each other, you can trust each other; but sometimes things go badly. Often money matters can make matters difficult. Phonte raps:
Aiyyo man, I don’t ask for much
I just wanna chill at home and sip my drink out of my plastic cups
Even though my roommate have me mad as fuck
Nigga be acting crackish, fucking up my money hustling backwards
Financially I took some hard blows
But shit I also rocked some hard shows
Niggas came to check us out by the carloads
Screaming my name like I scanned a million barcodes already
My squad flows ’till we all sweaty
We struggling to pay our bills so we really can’t ball heavy
And God knows I be calling on him
‘Cause I be writing mad checks that might as well have Spalding on ’em.
Although money is a touchy subject, there are smaller sources of stress that can really get under our skin. Pet peeves can pop up unexpectedly and knowing how to deal with them is crucial. Consider the rapper named Taji who admits to having an issue with needing to hold the remote control 24/7:
Loungin’ in my living room checkin’ out cartoons
Early in the mornin’ or in the afternoon
It’s like I fiend for the screen
Youngstas, you know what I mean
I know this might sound kinda ‘flicted
But hey, I gotta say I’m addicted
Cause it ain’t nothin’ like Scooby Doo
So don’t turn the channel up out my view
24-7 hands on remote
What should I watch? Hm, I take a vote
I dig Porky Pig I’m down with Charlie Brown
Chattanooga Cats got it goin’ on now
Popeye is my favorite
Whoever ain’t with it can save it
Even though we’re blowin’ up like balloons
We still watch (cartoons).
He says he’s taking a vote on what to watch but I think he takes votes the way a dictator would; he votes and then considers himself the majority rule. Cartoons are fine as long as they are not the only thing he is willing to watch. Quirky behavior can start out as a curious idiosyncrasy and turn into a terrifying ritual. With Scarface, it’s little annoying gestures that would start to aggravate me, like looking out the window every 20 seconds:
I’m poppin’ in the clip when the wind blows
Every twenty seconds got me peepin’ out my window
Investigatin’ the joint for traps
Checkin’ my telephone for taps
I’m starin’ at the woman on the corner
It’s fucked up when your mind is playin’ tricks on ya.
If all of the Geto Boys’ minds are playing tricks on them, I might have to cross them off the list too. Other little things can get on our nerves as well if they defy expectation. For example, misuse of home cleaning products can be annoying if you’re the one buying them, so you might want to work that out with roommates beforehand if they will be using your cleaning products for unexpected reasons unrelated to household chores. For example, Paul Wall raps,
I tend to brush my teeth with Windex, just so the glass house mouth shine clear.
Similarly, Chamillionaire raps,
Gotta brush my teeth with Windex to see my ice more clearer.
It probably takes a paltry amount of Windex to clean teeth, but if little things like that get on your nerves, you might want to ask him to buy his own cleaning solution.
If cleanliness is important to you, you might want to have a talk about where it is appropriate to have sex. For instance, you might not want people having sex on the sink or in the shower unless they agree to sanitize the area afterwards. If the sink in question is located in the kitchen, and you are concerned about preparing food near it, it is all the more imperative to set some guidelines. Some sink based sex is detailed by these rappers:
I’ve got the magicstick, I can go for hours
From the bed to the floor, to the sink to the shower. (50 Cent)I’m loving that wet pink
On the bathroom floor up against the sink. (Too Short)How you like it baby? I like it on the sink. (Ghostface Killah)
Bent over the sink with my panties in your mouth. (Foxy Brown)
Hit her on the sink or in the tub. (McGruff)
You little angel you, that’s what your friends think
‘Cause they didn’t see you, sipping on that red drink
Getting drunk, while I hit it on the sink
In the kitchen and I’m switching, I can hit it ’till the bed sink. (Chamillionaire)