What Would It Be Like to Have a Rapper Roommate?
Notice that the last story about sex on the sink specified that it was taking place on the kitchen sink. I hope he cleaned the counter afterwards. When it comes to cooking, keeping the kitchen clean is of utmost importance, so anyone who wipes down the counter and washes their dishes is tops in my book. However, when two chefs cross paths at cross purposes, all hell can break loose. As 50 Cent states,
I cook crack in the microwave.
I’m not going to want to use the microwave if someone is cooking crack in it. I’m not sure if there is residue that could get on my food. I’m no health nut but I do worry. Plus that’s illegal and what if the cops come and think the crack is mine? How can I prove it’s not? If you and your roommate cannot agree on whether drugs may be brought into the house, then you might want to avoid rappers who bring their drugs home. Consider this verse by Scarface
I’m in the living room looking at the news
got a razor and some zipper baggies
about to do the fool
cutting hundred dollar slabs
wholesaling niggaz halves
getting money like a muthafucka
serving niggaz bags.
You might not like drugs displayed so openly. What if the cops come? Will you get arrested too? Maybe he should do that in the privacy of his bedroom. Liability can be harsh on a relationship. Consider this verse from Cypress Hill:
Put the blunt down just for a second
Don’t get me wrong it’s not a new method
Inhale, Exhale – just got a ounce in the mail,
What if you picked up the mail that day. Would you feel comfortable carrying an ounce of drugs?
Aside from drugs, brandishing weapons in the home can be alarming, and that’s why it might be stressful to live with The Game:
I know the real O-Dog, and that nigga know the real Game
I call him Lorenz Tate, and he ain’t never been in no gang
But he been in my house house, and he sat on my couch couch
While I put one in the air so yeah that nigga know what I’m ’bout, ’bout.
If that ‘one’ he put in the air was a gun, then he needs to conduct his confrontations elsewhere. What if you’re trying to read a magazine, and your roommate comes home in a tizzy and all hell breaks loose? Consider the scene painted by Xzibit:
I ran to the living room and got the heat from under the couch
Smashed out into the middle of the street started blastin’.
Aside from drugs and violence, if your roommate is in a volatile relationship, it can be stressful for you as well when the drama spills over into your living space. For example, Notorious B.I.G. explains in “Me & My Bitch”:
Any plans with another bitch, my bitch’ll spoil it
One day, she used my toothbrush to clean the toilet (that’s nasty).
Throwin’ my clothes out the windows, so when the wind blows,
I see my Polos and Timbos
Hide my car keys so I can’t leave
A real slick bitch, keep a trick up her sleeve
And if I deceive, she won’t take it lightly
She’ll invite me, politely, to fight G
And then we lie together, cry together
I swear to God I hope we fuckin’ die together.
Not only is the fighting and throwing possessions out the window a stressful situation to come home to, but what if she uses the wrong toothbrush, and I am the victim of a soiled toothbrush? I don’t want to take that risk. Moreover, if your roommate is cheating, you might get caught in the middle, and that could make your living situation stressful. However, there may be an upshot, as your cheating roommate might take extra care in cleaning the bathroom to remove any traces of the affair as is evident in the writing of Devin the Dude:
You went and took a shower, I went and got a smoke
And I wasn’t trippin, cause you was in there for a minute
But you left the sink witcha hair in it
And if my gal see that, it’ll be on in the flash
Fingernail in the tub, tampon in the trash
I’m like ‘Damn’ you got me lookin’ for something else you may have left
(You tryin to get me killed!).
What if the person being cheated on corners you and asks you if any guests were over? Now you have an ethical dilemma. Will you tell on your roommate or lie to his lover? Of course, not all social butterflies are going to stress you out. Looking at Snoop’s lyrics, it appears that his socializing can be a double edged sword. On the one hand, you’ll probably expand your social circle exponentially by knowing him:
S-N double O-P, D-O double G
I can’t fake it, just break it, and when I take it
See I specialize in making all the girls get naked
So bring your friends, all of y’all come inside
We got a world premiere right here, now get live!
So don’t change the dizzle, turn it up a little
I got a living room full of fine dime brizzles.
On the other hand, he parties too late for my tastes:
Two in the mornin’ and the party’s still jumpin’
cause my momma ain’t home
I got bitches in the living room gettin’ it on
and, they ain’t leavin’ til six in the mornin’ (six in the mornin’).
Two in the morning is fine with me, but I’d like the party to wind down around 3 a.m., and if those women aren’t leaving until 6 a.m., does that mean they’re going to be having sex on the couch until that time because that might keep me up (no pun intended). The same holds true with Drake, and it’s not likely that at his current level he would need or want a roommate, but wealth can be temporary and if he responds to your Craigslist ad, consider this:
I’m in my living room and I got Grammies all around me
And famous bitches doin’ nose candy all around me.
It’s that same dilemma: at what cost will you improve your social life?
On a last note, let’s return to the rapper who is actually someone’s roommate as far as I know. After years of fame and success, some rappers find they like the idea of having a roommate, and this might be the right fit for you as well. Just do your research and make sure you will both get out of it what you need. I’ll leave you with these words by Grand Puba:
Time stand still on a day that’s slow
Bills piled up on the living room floor
Hard to work it out when it’s only just me
Even with the glasses, feel like I can’t see.