This Is The Kind Of Pain She Went Through After You Left

You’re gone, so you don’t see all of the pain that you’ve put her through.

You don’t see the way she checks her phone, secretly hoping that you’ll message her. That you’ll become a part of her life again.

You don’t see her struggling to sleep. Tossing and turning beneath the covers, because it’s not as comfortable when you’re not there.

You don’t see her running on the treadmill, taking extra shifts at work, doing whatever she can to keep her mind busy so she has less time to think of you.

You don’t see her turning off the radio when your favorite song comes on, turning the channel when the shows you used to watch together start playing.

You don’t see her tucked in bed, watching another episode on Netflix, because she can’t find the willpower to get up and actually do something productive.

You don’t see her making excuses when other boys ask her out, because she doesn’t want them. Because you’re the only one she can imagine kissing.

You don’t see her turning down certain halls and avoiding certain stores, because she doesn’t want to risk running into you. Because she knows it would kill her to see your face again.

You don’t see her scribbling down in her journal, writing words that admit all of the things she would never say aloud. That she misses you. That she can’t stop thinking about you.

You don’t see her with her friends, when she’s holding back from talking about you, because she doesn’t want to look pathetic. She doesn’t want her friends to feel bad for her or get annoyed that they have to keep hearing the same boy’s name.

You don’t see her writing out texts and emails that she knows she’s never going to send. You don’t see her staying up past her bedtime to replay memories in her head. You don’t see her staring into the mirror, wondering why she wasn’t good enough for you.

You don’t see her dying her hair, buying new clothes, doing whatever it takes to feel like a different person, a person you haven’t broken apart.

You don’t see how much your absence is killing her. You don’t realize that you’ve left a hole in her world that she’s still struggling to fill.

You’re gone for good, so you’re never going to see the damage you’ve done. You’re never going to realize how much you changed her when you left.

You’re never going to know how deep of a crack you’ve created in her heart.

Because you don’t see her hide away in her room and cry. But you don’t see her wipe away the tears, either. You don’t see her get up, get dressed, and face the world even when she wants to spend the entire day sleeping.

You don’t see those rare moments when you leave her mind, when she laughs with her friends or flirts with a new boy and for once, your name doesn’t pop into her head.

You don’t see her slowly forgetting about you, slowly moving on and finding happiness without you.