To The Boy I Once Loved


I needed you like lungs need oxygen to breathe. But when I was on life support you just couldn’t pull the plug. You were the best disguise of love, the greatest example of hurt, the very definition of toxic

You really should consider being a musician. The way you pluck my heart strings like a broken harp. We’ve made many symphonies together, which is why trying to make make music without you is difficult. But I’ve learned to manage

We never got those matching tattoos, but my memories of you are permanent. As my mind goes back to a 11 year old me and 13 year old you, in the corner of the clubhouse our church used to be in. Your quietness was what sparked my curiosity.

I remember how for a year my journal became your biography. Noting every time you spoke to me to the day you asked me to be your girlfriend. I immediately changed my myspace name to “IFINALLYHAVEABOYFREINDYALL” So proud to hold the title of your girlfriend in my heart Who knew it would hold so much weight?

You were the boy who cried I’m sorry. You said it so much the word no longer holds any currency to me . The greatest love gesture you made to me was changing the bands of your braces brackets to purple.  But the only gift I ever wanted from you was your unconditional love.

For 7 years we played tug of war for my love and I was tired of letting you win. My heart couldn’t hold the weight anymore. My feet grew weak from chasing after you

I thought I would die without you… it’s been four years. Yet each day I wake up amazed at how effortlessly oxygen fills up my lungs, my chest rises and falls, and my heartbeat stays in perfect tune…